Has Sharkly Been Pimping His Spiritual Headship?
I have been blogging for just a month, and yet in that very short time, I have come across an interesting phenomenon on a few different occasions already. Married women have been secretly contacting me for spiritual consultation.
1 Corinthians 14:33 For God is not a God of confusion but of peace. As in all the churches of the saints, 34 the women should keep silent in the churches. For they are not permitted to speak, but should be in submission, as the Law also says. 35 If there is anything they desire to learn, let them ask their husbands at home. For it is shameful for a woman to speak in church. 36 Or was it from you that the word of God came? Or are you the only ones it has reached? 37 If anyone thinks that he is a prophet, or spiritual, he should acknowledge that the things I am writing to you are a command of the Lord.
So to prevent confusion in Christ’s church, and to promote peace within our families, I need to acknowledge that the above commandment is of the Lord.
So why do woman seek me out for spiritual answers? I’m not sure if they feel that I’ll know them and their situation better than their husbands, or care about their situation and their children’s situation more dearly, or that recently established anonymous strangers on the internet are to be trusted for guidance more than their husbands? But I suspect that they’re looking for a second opinion, or third, or fourth, or fifth.
My own (separated/mid-divorce)wife, who has Intimacy Anorexia, is addicted to withholding intimacy from me. That includes spiritual, emotional, and physical intimacy. She will not pray with me or do a devotional with me. So I really enjoyed feeling the spiritual intimacy of having a woman come to me for spiritual consultation. However I also knew I was not where they should be getting their spiritual guidance, if there is any way in which their own husbands can be made to give them guidance on the matter. I realized the exchange is one of intimacy, and that belongs to their husbands. So I needed to try to nip this in the bud.
All husbands are their wife’s heads, and are to be asked for guidance. Even unsaved husbands are to be asked for guidance, and then submitted to. Husbands want to be followed, it is very intimate and endearing to have a woman who is willing to follow you.
I don’t even know whether a wife should ask for her husband’s guidance, if she isn’t already committed to following it, so long as it isn’t clearly a great sin. In my mind it would be insulting and create distance to ask a husband for guidance, and then do something else, after he gave his plan. And going to other men for spiritual headship, is just two-timing a woman’s own head. I wouldn’t advise it, unless her husband has clearly and repeatedly refused to give her any guidance on the matter after she has asked him for it clearly and she has conveyed to him sincerely that she intends to follow his advice, so long as he does not guide her into a greater sin than her failure to submit. Some husbands may have become hesitant to give their wives spiritual direction, knowing she’ll just openly defy them, thereby putting them to shame, or worse, submit herself to some other man’s spiritual direction.
1 Peter 3:1 Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, 2 when they see your respectful and pure conduct.
I think that kindly asking an unsaved husband to give you spiritual guidance, and being committed to following it, provided it wasn’t a great sin, could be a great tool to turn a husband’s mind to his spiritual responsibilities. Especially if you asked him for help following certain passages in the Bible that involved your submission to him. I can imagine an unsaved man getting quite interested in the Bible based upon just that topic alone. And there are many great tools online that a man can use to find things in the Bible, even if he has little or no knowledge of it. One site I like to use is: https://www.biblegateway.com/ Even an unsaved husband could find some relevant Bible passages there and try to apply them for his wife.
I just see that women are squandering a chance to have more unity in their homes, by finding out what their husbands’ spiritual desires are, and then indulging them, a chance to motivate their husbands to exercise more spiritual leadership, and a chance to build closer spiritual intimacy with their husbands.