Spiritually Two-Timing Their Husbands

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Has Sharkly Been Pimping His Spiritual Headship?

I have been blogging for just a month, and yet in that very short time, I have come across an interesting phenomenon on a few different occasions already.  Married women have been secretly contacting me for spiritual consultation.

1 Corinthians 14:33 For God is not a God of confusion but of peace.  As in all the churches of the saints, 34 the women should keep silent in the churches. For they are not permitted to speak, but should be in submission, as the Law also says. 35 If there is anything they desire to learn, let them ask their husbands at home. For it is shameful for a woman to speak in church. 36 Or was it from you that the word of God came? Or are you the only ones it has reached? 37 If anyone thinks that he is a prophet, or spiritual, he should acknowledge that the things I am writing to you are a command of the Lord.

So to prevent confusion in Christ’s church, and to promote peace within our families, I need to acknowledge that the above commandment is of the Lord.

So why do woman seek me out for spiritual answers?  I’m not sure if they feel that I’ll know them and their situation better than their husbands, or care about their situation and their children’s situation more dearly, or that recently established anonymous strangers on the internet are to be trusted for guidance more than their husbands?  But I suspect that they’re looking for a second opinion, or third, or fourth, or fifth.

My own (separated/mid-divorce)wife, who has Intimacy Anorexia, is addicted to withholding intimacy from me.  That includes spiritual, emotional, and physical intimacy.  She will not pray with me or do a devotional with me.  So I really enjoyed feeling the spiritual intimacy of having a woman come to me for spiritual consultation.  However I also knew I was not where they should be getting their spiritual guidance, if there is any way in which their own husbands can be made to give them guidance on the matter.  I realized the exchange is one of intimacy, and that belongs to their husbands.  So I needed to try to nip this in the bud.

All husbands are their wife’s heads, and are to be asked for guidance.  Even unsaved husbands are to be asked for guidance, and then submitted to.  Husbands want to be followed, it is very intimate and endearing to have a woman who is willing to follow you.

I don’t even know whether a wife should ask for her husband’s guidance, if she isn’t already committed to following it, so long as it isn’t clearly a great sin.  In my mind it would be insulting and create distance to ask a husband for guidance, and then do something else, after he gave his plan.  And going to other men for spiritual headship, is just two-timing a woman’s own head.  I wouldn’t advise it, unless her husband has clearly and repeatedly refused to give her any guidance on the matter after she has asked him for it clearly and she has conveyed to him sincerely that she intends to follow his advice, so long as he does not guide her into a greater sin than her failure to submit.  Some husbands may have become hesitant to give their wives spiritual direction, knowing she’ll just openly defy them, thereby putting them to shame, or worse, submit herself to some other man’s spiritual direction.

1 Peter 3:1 Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct.

I think that kindly asking an unsaved husband to give you spiritual guidance, and being committed to following it, provided it wasn’t a great sin, could be a great tool to turn a husband’s mind to his spiritual responsibilities.  Especially if you asked him for help following certain passages in the Bible that involved your submission to him.  I can imagine an unsaved man getting quite interested in the Bible based upon just that topic alone.  And there are many great tools online that a man can use to find things in the Bible, even if he has little or no knowledge of it.  One site I like to use is: https://www.biblegateway.com/   Even an unsaved husband could find some relevant Bible passages there and try to apply them for his wife.

I just see that women are squandering a chance to have more unity in their homes, by finding out what their husbands’ spiritual desires are, and then indulging them, a chance to motivate their husbands to exercise more spiritual leadership, and a chance to build closer spiritual intimacy with their husbands.

11 thoughts on “Spiritually Two-Timing Their Husbands

  1. Most women are too proud to talk to their husbands openly and get to know their minds. So they definitely won’t ask their husbands for what they want/need/expect. In fact, women will talk to everyone (and their handsome brother) EXCEPT that one person who can change their circumstances.
    Women often worry that their husbands might ask them to do something “sinful”, never realizing that their true sin lies in their doubts and suspicions of their husbands motivations, and the pride that prevents them from listening and submitting to him as his wife. Ultimately, by refusing to trust their husbands, they are refusing to trust God to work through their husbands’ leadership.

    I think it’s acceptable to answer some of their questions in a post (using pseudonyms of course), but in general, your approach is right on. We should keep the private communications to a minimum, out of respect to God’s power working through their husbands.

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  2. So why do woman seek me out for spiritual answers? I’m not sure if they feel that I’ll know them and their situation better than their husbands, or care about their situation and their children’s situation more dearly, or that recently established anonymous strangers on the internet are to be trusted for guidance more than their husbands? But I suspect that they’re looking for a second opinion, or third, or fourth, or fifth.

    Wow, that’s quite ROTFLMAO-inducing, the idea that any woman rebelling against God’s commandment to submit to her husband in all things can come lean on Brother Sharkly’s shoulder and have her ears tickled. These women clearly haven’t read you as well as your regulars have and clearly don’t know you at all.

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  3. To Jack,
    Thank you for your most recent link, I am in your debt. Yes, you are correct, it is a form of rebellion, disloyalty, and a lack of faith in both God and their husband, that they are out asking other men to fill their husband’s clearly specified spiritual leadership role. You also said: “Most women are too proud to talk to their husbands openly and get to know their minds.” I’m not going to give “most” women that much credit, that it is out of pride. I think for most it is just plain old foolishness.
    Proverbs 14:1 Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands.
    They’ve got an opportunity to build together, but they’d rather get some other man’s opinion on where the bricks her husband has just laid, should really go, and then they take their husband’s brickwork back apart based upon some second opinion from somebody who has no clue what the husband is even building. I don’t doubt some of these ladies would ‘shit a brick’ if their husbands were alerted to what they were up to, behind their backs.
    I can only imagine that church leaders must get this all the time also. I doubt too many of them respond by trying to reinforce the husband’s headship over his wife. I bet they use the opportunity to AMOG, and join in the second guessing, without ever redirecting the wife back to the husband.
    I believe among the ancient idolaters the husband would always function as the family’s priest. Sadly, even the idolaters of eons ago, could teach our Feminist churches wisdom about family roles and values.

    To feeriker,
    I’m not entirely sure that the women that frequent here, are necessarily the type that want their ears tickled. Or is it that my masculine stance is what tickles their ears? I think my telling them that I’m in the image of God most High, and they are just human, kind of arouses something in them, perhaps by God’s design. I think they desire that “rough handling”, and, Lord willing, they’ll certainly be able to get their fix of it here, as I continue to blog about my Patriarchal vision. LOL, I’ll give you an example: Sharkly – Thank you for your reply. Personally, I have no problem with wife spankinghttps://laf443259520.wordpress.com/2019/05/21/how-to-bring-back-patriarchy/#comment-41 You’ve just got to read between the lines. LOL

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  5. Sharkly,
    I raised a question at Dalrock’s that I would like to hear your thoughts on (or any other guy reading). It’s my impression that there used to be more institutions for the mentally ill than now, many more. So in a case like yours, or The Other Scott’s, a wife could be sent somewhere to get help, instead a hour a week of church counseling. I think that option was probably a known restraint on the feral nature being encouraged. I wish you had that tool and a church that would recommend it for your wife.

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  6. Swanny River,
    I found a link that describes the historical rise and fall of institutionalizing people for mental illnesses:
    https://www.tiki-toki.com/timeline/entry/37146/A-History-of-Mental-Institutions-in-the-United-States/#vars!date=1848-06-28_01:28:45!
    So, in answer, yes, it appears it would have been way easier for a man to get his wife institutionalized sixty years ago. The population institutionalized for mental disorders has been rapidly dropping while at the same time the population as a whole has grown. Plus with Feminism, I believe, it has really turned the tables on who is able to get whom committed. In my own situation it seems like the family courts don’t want to hear anything from a man, no matter what the evidence, while my wife who already has 3 Diagnosed DSM-5 disorders, and has not even been fully evaluated, can get my kids taken from me with her personal false accusations, and it took me around 9 months to get back shared custody(weekend access to them), after having to fully disprove her accusations twice over. I’ve got legitimate concerns about her, but nobody is interested in even giving me an opportunity to make the allegations, much less would they do anything, the burden of proof would once again completely fall on the party with the penis.

    Yes society has taken away, and undercut, a man’s power. If I had the power to get my wife committed, she would have instead willingly submitted to the therapy that our marriage needs, a long time ago. Oh, its a funny story, but she did accidently get herself committed once during our marriage for 48 hours of observation, when she refused to take my good husbandly advice, she was going to show me, and wound up locked in the loony bin for two days.

    Yeah, unfortunately the churches are Feminist and undercut men too. I’m still trying to get my wife’s church to follow the Bible procedure for church discipline of my wife, but they just stop up their ears, shriek, and run off spouting lame excuses. The last guy I talked to there, agreed that she really needs counselling, but it remains to be seen if he will keep his word and try to help me get her into any joint marriage counselling. My wife, “agreed” to joint marriage counselling about five months ago, right before I was going to get it court ordered on behalf of our children, but we still have not had it yet, and she is dodging and playing every possible trick to stay out of a setting where we sit down together with a mental health professional and sort things out. I believe deep down inside, she suspects she is not right, but she has an irrational fear of being flawed, that keeps her from acknowledging the possibility that she could be the source of her own fear of intimacy, instead of me, and that she has been actively sabotaging our relationship constantly since she began on our honeymoon.

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  7. I am curious about something, Sharkley, and want to approach this in a kind and respectful way. After reading your blog, it seems clear that your wife has absolutely no interest in being intimate with you in any way at all. She has left the marriage and refused counseling. How would you expect counseling to change anything? The counselor can’t demand her to be intimate with you. Obviously, no one can force someone to be loving and caring toward someone else. Since she has left the marriage, what do you actually want the church to do? Do you really expect them to discipline her and force her to stay with you? Again, they can’t demand she stay in the marriage and be intimate with you. And even if they could, do you want a wife who can’t stand being around you? I realize you have small children and am wondering if that is the reason you want her to return no matter how she feels about you. I’m sure it is terribly painful to be separated from your children. But it seems unlikely that she is going to be the submissive wife you desire and even if she was, do you want a robot wife who does everything you say while hating you? How would that possibly be good for anyone?
    That being said, I have to assume that she loved and cared for you at some point since she married you. You don’t say why she left you but there is obviously some reason she no longer wants to be with you. From what you say, it’s all her fault but it’s rare that one partner holds all the blame. Maybe that’s the case , however in your situation. I hope you are able to come to some resolution and find some peace and contentment in your life. God bless you.

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  8. How would you expect counseling to change anything?

    Intimacy Anorexia is a behavioral addiction, and it is quite treatable. A person can quit the addiction almost immediately with help, the battle is then keeping free from falling back into the addictive patterns. Right now, like with many other addicts, she is in denial of her problem.

    Since she has left the marriage, what do you actually want the church to do?

    I want the church to complete the final stage of church discipline exactly as the Jesus commanded in Matthew 18:15-17, no excuses, just follow Jesus’ commands as if they were actually followers of Christ. Part of that is to force the church to confront their own wholesale capitulation to satanic Feminism.

    Do you really expect them to discipline her and force her to stay with you?

    No, I expect them to fight me, and wish that they could discipline me instead. And so far they are living up to my expectations. I’m not doing this for the result you might expect, but because it is what God commanded. It also gives me an occasion against them,(Judges 14:4) to battle the great whore on behalf of God and His word, for how they are plowing with my heifer and attempting to make fatherless bastards of my sons. There is a spiritual battle going on, of eternal significance, that you’re not seeing, and I can’t lose it if I stay fighting on God’s side. I may appear to be losing according to this world’s view, but Satan’s deceived minions at his church, haven’t made my faith waver in the least. And I’m commanding their repentance at every step, making clear their choice to repent or to fill up the full measure of God’s wrath against themselves. While I would prefer that they repent, I’m not selling God, His forgiveness is theirs free for the taking, I’m just making sure they’re forced to openly decide to follow God or Feminism. On behalf of God, I’m forcing the issue. I won’t let those losers pretend to be following both God and Feminism, I make them choose and then I condemn them if they choose wrongly. I’m ruling those bastard sons of my Father with a rod of iron, the wrath of almighty God is being measured out!

    And even if they could, do you want a wife who can’t stand being around you?

    Well, my life isn’t all about what I want. Yes, I’d prefer her to repent of her wickedness, and to have her show the fruits of the Spirit, fulfill her vows, and act with love towards me instead of returning evil for good.

    But it seems unlikely that she is going to be the submissive wife you desire and even if she was, do you want a robot wife who does everything you say while hating you? How would that possibly be good for anyone?

    Anything is possible with God. My parents stuck out many unhappy times together, and it has taught me the strength of character to do the same, as I am also demonstrating for my sons. So yes, I’d love for my wife to demonstrate the strength of character to honor her vow and deny herself, pick up her cross and follow Christ. However if she wasn’t so deceived by her own delusions, she’d find that I’m actually very principled and rigid in my thought processes, and as such, it is easy to figure out how to get along with me. Just submit, and we’ll be good! LOL Perhaps that is why God put us together, she needed a man who would be more steadfast than all her stubbornness could move. However if she is not willing to submit, then she needs to quit pretending to be a Christ follower, when she won’t submit like a Christian wife is commanded to, because her rebellion is disgracing the cause of Christ. She also needs to finish her divorce if she is not going to submit. She is running around telling everybody that she wants to reconcile, but she refuses to, and is instead trying to use the court system to manipulate me. However I’m not sure how long the court system will allow that to go on, we’ve been divorcing for 18 months already, and haven’t even been to court yet.

    Yes, I care a lot about my sons, and I am sure beyond a shadow of a doubt, that if my wife raises them without me, she will raise them to be sexually immoral like the entirety of her family. She has no clue what it takes to keep a young man’s way pure, or even why it is that important. It is almost like she doesn’t want our sons to remain virgins, because then her family would mock them mercilessly. There were times where I might have considered suicide, if I hadn’t been so absolutely certain that she would raise my boys up to be whoremongers in my absence. I had to stay alive for them to have a chance at a godly life.

    Yes my wife wanted to marry me, and she pursued me, while being exactly what I required her to be in order to get me to marry her. However, immediately upon marrying me, she flipped to intentionally distancing me in order so that the intimacy would not grow any closer between us, because when we started having sex together, the relationship then became more intimate than she was comfortable with it being. You have to understand Intimacy Anorexia to have any understanding of the dynamic involved. She is emotionally stunted or retarded. She grew up in a home with zero real intimacy. Intimacy was only mimicked in public by her parents to appear normal. I believe her mother is intimacy anorexic and her father has Schizoid Personality Disorder, so neither of them want intimacy, or know how to give it. Consequently she grew up with no real reference for intimacy and due to emotional-incest by her mother, she loathes intimacy, and is too emotionally retarded to understand that other people do really want it. When she watches a romance movie, she wants the romance the dates the trips the wining and dining even the sex, she just doesn’t want the other person to ever get to know her or get emotionally close or share their own emotions with her, and she will get really cruel to keep that from happening, all while not ever realizing that she is doing it. Then, because her partner wants intimacy, she will devalue them, and artificially idealize other partners who are emotionally, or otherwise, unavailable. She also has to have an irrational fear of being flawed that keeps her from ever seeing any issue in our relationship as her fault. It is like the perfect storm that has to happen for somebody to have intimacy anorexia and keep it going. They have to have never had intimacy modeled with their cross gendered parent, have developed a deep subconscious fear of intimacy, have an irrational fear of being flawed that keeps them always assuming that every problem must be with the other person, and have been emotionally stunted enough to not realize that other people actually want and need intimacy. I vowed to be there “in sickness and in health”, and my wife has been mentally sick this entire time, and I only figured out the cause about 20 months ago, I think she filed for divorce hoping to get me to stop insisting she get treatment for Intimacy Anorexia. Please pray that I could get the court to at least order an evaluation of her for the condition. I’ve been forced to undergo two complete psychological evaluations and have been found to be free of any disorders and everything she accused me of. The “family courts” apparently take every accusation of a woman with 3 diagnosed disorders seriously, but a man with a lifetime history of being responsible and being highly entrusted to ensure the safety of the public, is not allowed to even speak in his own defense or to file counter accusations. I never would have believed what I’m telling you, if it hadn’t actually happened to me. I don’t know how, but hopefully my sharing will somehow help somebody else in some way.

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  9. Thanks for the link, that was what I expected. I know in my State, we’ve closed many institutions in the late 80s or early 90s.
    You are good at blogging with kindness. I don’t think I would have goven CLR an answer, there was something amiss about it to me.

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  10. Swanny River,
    Thanks for your kind words. I try to treat others like I would want to be treated. I have no problem being open. I’ve even had to delete a couple posts that were probably too open and might have made my readers uncomfortable. As far as I’m concerned I’ve got nothing to hide, I’m not ashamed of who I am or what I’ve done, and even those few things that I’ve done that I am ashamed of, I can admit it was a mistake and that I’ve learned from it. I’m sure CLR isn’t the only person wondering about those same sort of questions. Even though I’m highly trusted, a lot of people don’t believe my story when I tell it. I wouldn’t believe it myself, if it wasn’t happening to me. I’ve told many people, that if I was lying, I would have made up something a lot more believable that everybody could relate to. LOL Sometimes it does seem amiss when women try to get you to talk about your pain or your humiliation, but I have to keep in mind that men sharing these types of emotions with them, can also be “Chick Crack”. Some women like that. Of course my wife would hate for me to try to unload my emotions on her, and would try to be insulting and make it seem as if she had not even been listening after I had been sharing my deepest emotions. So, after my mom and my wife both spending their lives trying continuously to deeply hurt me, I’m getting a bit impervious to mere insults from strangers. I’ve also got a lot of work experience ignoring the negative talk. for 15 years I was a business owner, and as the boss, obviously your employees are always going to be thinking and saying you’re doing it all wrong. Then for the last 5 years I’ve been an inspector, and I tell highly skilled people they don’t know how to do their jobs, all day long. So they like to try to say things back quite often, and accepting their angry replies, is just part of the job. It is like God has been preparing me to be impervious to detractors for some reason. Perhaps I’m going to end up telling the whole world they’re wrong.
    Romans 3:4 May it never be! Rather, let God be found true, though every man be found a liar, as it is written, “That You may be justified in Your words, And prevail when You are judged.”
    Anyhow, I’m just glad that people are asking questions and commenting. I’m not easy to offend.

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  11. Swanny River @ 7:36 PM:
    “I raised a question at Dalrock’s that I would like to here your thoughts on (or any other guy reading). It’s my impression that there used to be more institutions for the mentally ill than now, many more. So in a case like yours, or The Other Scott’s, a wife could be sent somewhere to get help, instead a hour a week of church counseling.”

    You would be interested in the story of Patrick Henry’s wife. The “give me liberty or give me death” guy kept his mentally ill wife confined in the basement.

    http://americanhistory.si.edu/blog/patrick-and-sarah-henry-mental-illness-18th-century-america

    Men used to have options, back when we were the acknowledged heads of their families.

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