In Her Father’s House

Winter Window

According to the US CDC the mean age for first vaginal sexual intercourse is 17 for both males and females.  By age 23, 95% of women interviewed claimed that they’d had sexual intercourse.  Meanwhile the average age of first marriage in the US is 27 for women and 29 for men.  The average girl has had a full decade of fornication before she ever marries.  while average men have been screwing around for a dozen years prior to marriage.  We have produced a generation of emotionally used up whores, and cads who will never be able to properly value married life.  These statistics should make Godly people sick and we should want to repent of the absolute wickedness of our sexually immoral generation.

What is the designed purpose of women?

Genesis 2:18 And the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper meet for him.”

Definition #3 for “Meet”: fulfilling, satisfying, agreeable, fit, proper

1 Corinthians 11:3 But I would have you know that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is the man, and the head of Christ is God.  4 Every man who prayeth or prophesieth, having his head covered, dishonoreth his head.  5 But every woman who prayeth or prophesieth with her head uncovered dishonoreth her head, for that is one and the same as if she were shaven.  6 For if the woman be not covered, let her also be shorn. But if it be a shame for a woman to be shorn or shaven, let her be covered.  7 For a man indeed ought not to cover his head, inasmuch as he is the image and glory of God; but the woman is the glory of the man.  8 For the man is not of the woman, but the woman of the man.  9 Neither was the man created for the woman, but the woman for the man.

The woman was created for the man, to be with the man, and to be a helper to the man.  The man is to govern her easily misled nature, and be head over her.  She is to be agreeable and proper to the man who is presently over her, and to do what is fitting and proper for her to do for him whether he is her father or husband.

How do we get women to fulfill their purpose?

It is my Biblically supported belief that women are to naturally spend their whole lives first being trained up to serve a man in their father’s house, and then to be serving her husband, as she was created for, as unto the Lord, in her husband’s home.(Ephesians 5:22-24)  Girls should spend their formative years honoring their fathers and mothers who are to train them up in the way that they should go, so that they will not depart from it when they are older.  Women are to be trained to serve their fathers and mothers and care for others, in preparation to serve their husbands and care for their children and others.  Mothers and other older women are to be examples and teachers of good things:  Titus 2:4 that they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children,  5 to be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the Word of God be not blasphemed.

So, if a father and mother wanted to train their daughter up exactly like a Christian young woman should be, what would that look like?  Would they send their daughter off, out from under her father’s care, to college to learn to be independent of men and to provide for herself those things that a father or husband should be providing?  Should a Christian father send his easily beguiled young daughter off to college, where less than 5% emerge with their virginity still intact, just so the whore can be well prepared to dump her husband and live independently without a man, as she will learn how to do in college and afterward in her career?  No.  And of those 5% of girls who don’t become whores in college, a good portion of those are likely disabled, disfigured, or grotesque.  Sending an attractive daughter off to where they hand out condoms and abortion pills like candy while the authority figures preach anarchy and rebellion is absolute foolishness tantamount to just pimping her out as a whore yourself, only you end up paying tuition instead of reaping the profit.

A Christian father should not “empower” his daughter, but instead teach her to expect and joyfully take guidance from her God ordained head.  He should teach her to serve others by keeping her serving domestically in his own home until she is ready and invited to be a keeper of her own home with a good and Godly man whom her father should help the easily beguiled young woman to choose.  And he should not give her away to a fool or a heathen.  Letting a young woman marry whatever bad-boy psychopath she is infatuated with, is not fatherly love at all, but could subject her to a lifetime of painful and unnecessary drama.  She should be taught from an early age to let the God ordained men in her life take care of her, and learn to take their advice.   Some people are not so fortunate to have fathers and husbands to look out for them.

James 1:27 Pure religion and undefiled before God and the Father is this, To visit the fatherless and widows in their affliction, and to keep himself unspotted from the world.

God tells His people many times to look out for the fatherless and widows.  Because, despite Feminism’s lies to the contrary, it is truly an affliction to not have a father or for a woman to not have a husband.  Churches should never neglect to take care of their fatherless and their widows in accordance with 1 Timothy 5:3-16.  If your church is giving your money away to thrice divorced MILFs, they’re doing things completely wrong!  So a true church of Christ’s would already provide a safety net for your daughter, should she be a worthy widow, she won’t need the four years of fornicating, away from her parents, to fall back on.

So, is it wise for Christians to squander the four peak reproductive years of most every woman’s life training them, via college, how to provide for themselves(and fornicate) just in case they should become widowed?  Would it not be better that their husbands be allowed to enjoy their unspoiled youth and beauty, in return for their lifetime of care, provision, and sacrifice, that they vow to their wives?  Would marriage not be a better deal for both parties if both parties gave their best?  Encouraging your daughter to get a college education seems to be a sure way to drastically reduce your grandchildren, and her commitment to motherhood:More education less kids

By preserving a chaste unmarried daughter serving in your home until she marries, you are not only being a good father to her, but you are preparing her to be an excellent wife.

My oldest sister went off to college when I was a first grader, and my other sister went off to college when I was a third grader, as a result I grew up without sisters and I hardly know them.

Are we teaching our daughters to serve others or to be self serving?

So if we teach our daughters to pursue their own dreams, won’t that just make her future home a reeducation-camp, if her husband has his own ambitions and wants a Godly “keeper at home”?  Should we not prepare her to follow her husband’s directions?  If Eve had followed her husband’s directions we might all still be living in a paradise.

Conclusion: I don’t think a Christian woman should move out of her father’s house until she marries, especially considering the absolute sexual immorality we live amongst.  What do you think?

68 thoughts on “In Her Father’s House

  1. Pingback: God said go yea and marry | Random thoughts

  2. Churchians say that her money earned for the family is her gift of helping her husband and is in accordance with Proverbs 31, therefore, you are being too restrictive. Getting them to agree to infringe upon a woman in anyway, other than holding the male-only pastoral line, is like trying to grasp oil.
    I like what you wrote and hope to find a wife for my son from parents who say the same. This helps me to know what to look for.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. “Conclusion: I don’t think a Christian woman should move out of her father’s house until she marries, especially considering the absolute sexual immorality we live amongst. What do you think?”

    Definitely agree 🙂 That’s what my experience was, and I’m grateful it protected me and helped make our marriage all the better later on.

    Liked by 3 people

  4. The churchians are so Feminist that they are anti-Christ. According to their Duluth wheel just about any interaction of any kind between a father and a daughter falls into some category of “abuse”. You just have to laugh off those “special snowflake’s” society destroying nonsense, or answer the fools according to their folly. According to them the patriarchs of our faith would all be considered “abusers” and Sarah, who called her husband Abraham “Lord”, would not be an exemplar holy woman of old, but instead she’d be an abuse victim. You either have to follow God or the world, and the two are really diverging today, even though God never changes.
    The funny thing is that now the Atheists at the pingback above say just about the same things as the “Christo-Feminists” when they both freak out over somebody having higher moral standards than Hollywood.

    An Atheist at the pingback above said: “Virginity is waaaaaay over rated.”

    Christo-Feminist – Sheila Wray Gregoire says:
    Now, is it a good idea to wait until you’re married to have sex? Yes, it is. It’s certainly what God wants, but I believe He wants that for our good, not because He’s just making a rule.
    That being said, virginity is not the be all and end all. And, in fact, ultimately virginity means nothing. It’s just a pile of horse manure.

    From: https://tolovehonorandvacuum.com/2018/07/i-didnt-really-care-if-my-sons-in-law-were-debt-free-tattoo-free-virgins/

    The same Atheist then says: A doctor broke mine when I was 7 years old during an examination, & mother was right there. I didn’t even know what that was, or why it was painful until I got older & started learning about reproduction & sex.

    I’ll bet those Atheists think I exercise a lot of faith, well, not enough to believe that. She was apparently in for her 7th yearly with her OBGYN LOL She should have claimed horseback riding or a bicycle accident, instead. Seven is awful young to be losing it, even for an ungodly Atheist family!

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  5. Wow Stephanie that is awesome!
    And I think the online universities have come a long way these days. So staying at home does not mean a woman can’t still get a college degree while also serving her family.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. “Conclusion: I don’t think a Christian woman should move out of her father’s house until she marries, especially considering the absolute sexual immorality we live amongst. What do you think?”

    i agree.

    i do believe they can develop other skills than simply caring for husband and children. i love the families who have their own businesses, and the children work and learn in the family business. if she has a natural ability with numbers, she should be able to get the education needed to support that – she can manage the books. if she has a natural ability with sales, she should be able to get the education needed to support that – she can market her family’s business. having her CPA, if she’s good with numbers, can give her opportunity to work from home, earn a little money on the side, and help the family.

    also, so many times in a lifetime a woman is needed to help – her husband gets laid off … or the job market changes … or he becomes disabled (i know a woman going thru this now, and it’s killing her b/c she doesn’t have good skills for the job market, and he’ll never be able to work again), or a sick child accrues huge medical debt. there are all sorts of reasons a wife may need to earn an income – other than being a career woman.

    but she doesn’t need to leave home, go live on campus, and have all the freedom in the world to do whatever the heck she wants to do with no supervision at all. actually, the concept that she can be her own woman, never have any authority over her, is so erroneously false it’s not even funny anymore. it’s tragic. everyone answers to someone, and to raise our daughters, especially, to think they’ll never have to answer to anyone but themselves is practically criminal.

    most men seem to innately know there’s a leader of the pack … that there’s someone they have to answer to or report to on some level somewhere. to raise our daughters to think differently is wrong.

    this starts from birth, though. it’s a harsh reality when they’re raised thinking they can be those strong, independent, females, and then to realize it’s all a lie … actually, many never do realize it’s a lie, they just keep trying to make that circle fit into that square.

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  7. i was raised to leave home as soon as i graduated from high school … and not just to leave home, but to move far away and go to some college way out-of-state, and never come home again. my mother was SO glad to get rid of me, and my dad was working so much it was one less person to concern himself with at home with my younger siblings. my mother would have gladly moved me out a year earlier (at 16; i was 17 when i went to college), but, as she said, the law wouldn’t allow her to do so.

    it’s truly by the grace of God my first husband got my virginity. i was just thrown out to the wolves with no foundation and nothing to hold onto. there were no morals taught in my home, no real boundaries. i never had a curfew … they never met the guys i went out with in high school – there were not even any rules regarding that. they flaunted the fact that guys hit on me – it was like a badge of honor to them, or something, that their daughter was attractive to guys. sex, dating, anything – none of it was ever mentioned or discussed.

    my (poor) daughters have never had to wonder about anything! lol! i made sure i was the first one they heard about sex from – and that was at 8 years old. it was matter-of-fact and factual. any and every thing i could think of to teach them or make them aware of, i have (age appropriately, of course). i didn’t ever want them to wonder what something was or meant … or what i expected of them. they are 22 and almost 20, and they both still live at home.

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  8. Term Insurance is very inexpensive when guys are in their 20’s thru 40’s. A daughter’s father could insist on a young man buying 15 or 20 year term insurance before giving his daughter in marriage.

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  9. “Christo-Feminist – Sheila Wray Gregoire says:
    Now, is it a good idea to wait until you’re married to have sex? Yes, it is. It’s certainly what God wants, but I believe He wants that for our good, not because He’s just making a rule.
    That being said, virginity is not the be all and end all. And, in fact, ultimately virginity means nothing. It’s just a pile of horse manure.
    From: https://tolovehonorandvacuum.com/2018/07/i-didnt-really-care-if-my-sons-in-law-were-debt-free-tattoo-free-virgins/

    I’m really glad you linked your source there, Sharkly, so we can all see how out of context you’ve taken that quote.
    First of all, that was advice Sheila gave to her daughters, because, let’s face it, there are very few male virgins out there of marriageable age, even amongst Christians.
    Secondly, that “pile of horse manure” is taken from Philippians 3:7-11 – everything that makes us righteous is a pile of dung compared to knowing Christ Jesus as our Lord.
    Read in context like that, it’s actually true.

    Copied and pasted from the blog post: “That phrase–“I consider them garbage”–is better translated “a pile of dung”. All of the things that made him “righteous” are actually a pile of dung compared to what? Knowing Christ Jesus my Lord.

    And that’s what I taught my girls. When you choose someone to marry, first and foremost, before everything else, choose someone who knows Jesus.
    Because ultimately nothing else matters. And that’s why we need to change this conversation around virginity, as if we are born pure, but then we can mess up and never be pure again.

    Purity, you see, is not something you can lose. Purity is something that you gain in Christ.”

    Now that you see it in context – as advice to daughters – who can argue with that?
    The point is; Our pasts don’t matter. Loving Jesus is what matters.
    I was a virgin when I got married, my husband was not.
    My mother lost her virginity to my father – he’d been around the block a number of times. Incidentally, my mother ended up being the cheating slapper while my father (who also has tattoos) remained faithful both to my mother and the Lord. In the grand scheme of things, virginity means nothing as far as successful marriages go. If both spouses are Christ-like, the marriage will be successful, whether or not they were virgins.

    I’ve actually really enjoyed reading through Sheila’s blog. She makes some excellent points.

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  10. Note: in the following peer-reviewed expose, I am not advocating for male promiscuity, only properly framing the utter importance of sexual decency as it pertains to woman in God’s Creation. The Bible stresses the importance vis-a-vis women, not men, in this regard. I fully acknowledge the reality of sexual sin (1 Co 6:18) afflicting both men and women.

    Virginity being a virtue attributed to women is everywhere in the Bible. And while sexual immorality of any kind is nothing to scoff at, I fail to find any passage that indicates how terrible it is for a man. This is the classic feminist ‘by substitution’ logic. Of course the worldly heathens downplays the importance of virginity in a woman! Of course they (immediately after saying virginity is no big deal) attempt to shame a man for not having his!

    While it’s not a surefire way to find the Way, just look at what the world (and Church!) is doing/saying, and walk 180 degrees from that bearing. They want women to be above reproach (cough: Ep 5:26), in the workforce with their careerz (ahem: Ti 2:5), strong (uh-oh: 1 Pt 3:7), independent (shucks!: Pr 7:11). These Biblical harlots will circle around worldly publications, the voices of the herd and perhaps a neutered male or two to herald their Satanic cause of bringing down God’s Order.

    Samson enjoyed scores of whores. He was reprimanded when he turned over his oath as a Nazarite to a woman. The commandment he broke being Pr 31:3.
    David straight up stole his best friend’s wife. His reprimand (and being unable to realize his dream of building the Temple) came as a result of sending his best friend to die, effectively murdering him. The commandment being broken Ex 20:13.

    Being a whore is quite a big deal in God’s eyes. The ‘chosen people’ are referred to with exactly the same language when God divorces them. And here’s the part that is hard for all the false Christians to grasp (including, but not limited to: Feminists, Complementarians, Equalists, Alarmists): only a woman can be a whore.

    I am studying the Bible daily for almost 4 decades now. I still am learning, but I invite the following as a correction:
    -> Please call my attention to where the Bible instructs women to only chose male virgins. <-

    Rather, man was not made for woman, but woman for man (1 Co 11:9). Elsewhere, men are called to take virgins (Le 21:14) from their own people, no less! Furthermore, women do not choose, but rather her father chooses and presents her to the groom (Ge 2:22). A woman is never an authority, but to be under authority and failure to be such is shameful to God.

    Man was made for work, dominion (Ge 2:15). His value is found in provision (1 Tm 5:8). AUTHORITY.
    Woman was made for sex, procreation (Ge 2:20, 24). Her value is found in being chaste (Ti 2:5). SUBMISSION.

    ^ If these words alarm you, apparently you aren't reading the Bible. God tells us his Order and why it is good for us, both as men and as women.
    ^ If these words offend you, you're not being convicted and thus, we can safely conclude you are not a follower of Christ.
    We don't get to pick and choose what is important to God. You either choose to (imperfectly) follow Him and His Commandments, or you serve Satan.

    Best way to achieve all of the above is precisely as Sharkly has prescribed: a disciplined Christian father keeping his daughter from the World, albeit the example of brothers (there they are again: those pesky males in God's plan being tasked with keeping Order and dominion) who see the importance of preserving their sister's purity (So 8:8-9).

    As my Oma says, her end of the bargain was so unbelievably easy:
    1. Don't get fat (Pr 23:20)
    2. Don't give up the V to anyone but hubby (So 8:12)
    3. Don't give your husband any lip (1 Pt 3:6)
    Satanist women hate her! Learn her one simple list for great results!

    Liked by 3 people

  11. ” Now, is it a good idea to wait until you’re married to have sex? Yes, it is. It’s certainly what God wants, but I believe He wants that for our good, not because He’s just making a rule. That being said, virginity is not the be all and end all. And, in fact, ultimately virginity means nothing. It’s just a pile of horse manure.

    ROFL! Oh my sides! The double-speak is strong with this one. Exemplary!

    ” I’ve actually really enjoyed reading through Sheila’s blog. She makes some excellent points ”

    Fking ROFLMAO! These ‘sisters’ in Christ. They couldn’t reason their way out of a brown paper bag. Pathetic creatures. I do hope they shape up, tho, lest they lead one of the younger women astray. We know what awaits such ‘believers’.

    Man, what great comedy. No need to turn on the tube when you got this entertainment that comes to the blog.

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  12. Ame,
    Very good comments. And Praise the Lord!

    Ace,
    I actually didn’t really take the quote out of context. I found it on Dalrock’s site: https://dalrock.wordpress.com/2018/07/23/hysteria/
    If Dalrock took it out of context perhaps you can blame him. I haven’t read at Sheila’s site hardly ever since she blocked my comments after I exposed her eternal foolishness with my first few comments on her site.(most of them did not get “approved”) And I just attached the link to Sheila’s since Dalrock had attached it.

    FWIW that post of Dalrock’s is a cool time capsule for me from over a year ago on my Red-Pilled(Enhanced by the Truth) Christian Journey. I really liked my comments on that post, and like ray and feeriker’s responses to them. If you do control-F for the “Find” feature you can just type in “Sharkly” and it will take you to every comment of mine and any comment that mentions me by name, on that thread.

    Ace, I have a couple of questions for you, since it has been a while. How is your son doing? And did you personally try the fenugreek, and if so, did you see any results?

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  13. ikr —

    Golly. It’s almost as if woman were open to hearing the lies that further her power-interests, and is indeed the weaker creature, and much more susceptible to satanic influence and control.

    But that can’t be, because the nations and even the churches tell me the opposite.

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  14. ikr,
    I have also noticed that God seemingly has placed greater emphasis on the sexual faithfulness of women than men. Although fornication and adultery are both gravely wrong for both sexes, it seems like God has placed higher priority, and emphasis on the woman’s sexual fidelity.
    Woman were created with a hymen that breaks when penetrated by a penis, while there is nothing that breaks off of a man if he puts his penis in a tight spot. Apparently God shows us even by nature that a woman’s virginity is worth having its own special organ, specifically to be a token of it. And I have read that fornication and adultery are far more damaging to women psychologically and in their ability to pair bond. I’d be interested to learn more about the differences and the reasons behind them. The atheists that sent the pingback to this post commented like that double standard is a flaw in our religion, instead of a feature, apparently they still believe in, and worship at the altar of, Feminist “equality”.

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  15. Sharkly – I have not read Dalrock’s site. I clicked directly on the link you included in your comments, but Sheila’s blog is one I recently started reading. When I get a chance I will look at Dalrock’s site via that link.
    There is nothing on Sheila’s blog that says it is okay for women not to be virgins. That entire blog post she wrote was addressed to women, encouraging them to look for what actually matters when finding a spouse – a God-fearing man. There was nothing in it endorsing sexual promiscuity. I gather it was a rebuttal to Lori Alexander’s viral post but I can’t be sure because I haven’t been reading Sheila’s blog for long enough to know.
    I agree that women should be virgins on their wedding night – or at least sexually innocent. Hymens can be broken in other ways, but women can remain chaste.
    Ideally, women going from home to marriage is good, if it can work. It’s what I did. Except for a brief stint flatting with friends when I worked in the city, I lived with my father and took care of him and his house (as well as worked full-time) until I got married.

    Thank you for your concern about my son. He is doing well. Turns out I react badly to Fenugreek.

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  16. Sharkly – The women adultery thing.
    It might be because of the different ways the majority of men and women view sex. For men, in general, sex is just sex. It doesn’t mean anything. For women, in general, there needs to be an emotional attachment. That’s why, when a man has an affair it might truly not mean anything to him. It’s just sex. But many women are unable to separate the sex from the emotional attachment and are deeply hurt by cheating. And for a woman who is cheating, it’s not “just sex” for her. The relationship means something to her.

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  17. We need to explore this topic more. Perhaps some of the others know better why there is so much more scripture decrying women’s sexual infidelity. My first instinct is to think that, as Ace reasons, a woman is driven by her feelings and typically she attaches more emotional weight to sex than a man does, and so she is less likely to remain rational and readily remember God’s warnings against such impurity in times of passion, if only just a few repeated prohibitions were given. In simpler terms: You only have to tell a man once! He will then either decide to obey or disobey.
    The above statement is not entirely serious. I’m sure there are probably better reasons that that, but at the moment I have to get back to cooking Thanksgiving dinner for my sons and I. My house smells wonderfully of Thanksgiving dinner already!

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  18. “There is nothing on Sheila’s blog that says it is okay for women not to be virgins. That entire blog post she wrote was addressed to women, encouraging them to look for what actually matters when finding a spouse – a God-fearing man. There was nothing in it endorsing sexual promiscuity.”

    ^Just wondering… how are you unable to see that’s what was directly implied by the entire premise of the post?

    She even calls virginity worthless, and says it’s horse manure.

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  19. Stephanie – Did you read Sheila’s blog post, or just Dalrock’s and Sharkly’s response to it?
    I put a little bit of it into context, but it really is best if you go and read the whole thing. On her site, directly.
    Sheila was sharing the advice she gave to her daughters: look for someone who loves Jesus; don’t get hung up on whether or not he is a virgin.
    The post was not about women’s virginity at all; it was about men’s.
    And she said virginity is a pile of horse manure compared to knowing Jesus. Reading the entire thing is always wise, because then you get the full message. And if you do read the whole thing, you will notice where it says it is a good idea to wait until marriage for sex and it is what God wants.
    If, after reading Sheila’s post, on her site directly, that is still not clear to you, then I’m really not sure what else to say.

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  20. Yes, I read it back then, and watched her daughter’s emotional breakdown she also posted with it. It was VERY much in response to Lori’s post claiming female virginity was valuable to God and men, so it was definitely a negative response to it in regard to female virginity, even though she moved the goal-post in her straw-man argument trying to make it about men. Her daughter’s meltdown proved it really wasn’t about men, but about the issue of virginity.

    And I know Sheila a little… have talked to her about other issues and I have found I don’t agree with her on most things. So I’m familiar with her and her writing.

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  21. Sheila is a deluded woman who puts her own ideas above the Bible. Where the Bible disagrees with her, she cites apostate Feminazi’s who say that the Bible can’t be trusted because it was “written entirely by men”. Any person who knows and follows Jesus’ Lordship, will eventually deeply value sexual purity and keeping the marriage bed holy, as God does. Sheila is just making excuses, minimizing sexual immorality, and giving women subconscious license to fornicate and then marry spiritual heads who also come with a history of manifold defiance to God, so long as the foolish woman(convinced there is a goddess within herself) deems the bad-boy, who appeals to her sin-nature, worthy(churchian enough, her internal goddess then imputes the necessary spiritual maturity to his credit, she will later retract the imputed righteousness after marriage). Sheila is a false teacher teaching what is contrary to God and sound wisdom. She tickles the ears of churchian Feminists, who prefer not to follow what God said, by telling them what they want to hear, leading them into error. The deceptive aspect is that she tries to pass worldliness off as being “the way of the cross” to the gullible, using spiritual sounding talking points. Jesus told an adulterous woman to “go and sin no more”. While Sheila is foolishly encouraging women to feel free to yoke themselves to the sexually immoral.(which is in effect a license, a get out of consequences free card) She is teaching men and women to go screw around to their hearts content, and then marry someone who also screwed around, so long as they both then claim to be “new creatures”, “recycled virgins”, and that their marriage cheating ways are all in their past. LOL Sheila is the mother-ship for churchian whores who want to stay worldly minded and alien to God! Just like Hollywood, her number one job seems to be to try to take all the shame out of being a rebellious whore. She will say, sex before marriage is not best, but, here is a prepackaged license to fornicate, with all the excuses printed on the back, and I will see to it that nobody dares to shame you for crucifying Christ afresh. She will burn forever in hell if she does not repent. She honors God with her lips, but her heart and mind is against Him, preaching licentiousness. Don’t join into her error.

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  22. Stephanie – You have knowledge of Sheila that I don’t have (I’m new to her blog) which is why we interpreted her post differently. So far, I’m enjoying her writings, but then, I enjoyed Lori Alexander’s for a very long time too, so I guess we will see. As I get more into her blog there might be stuff I don’t agree with. (I am KAK on Lori’s blog, if you’ve read it much you may have seen me)

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  23. Sharkly – Your last comment wasn’t up when I typed my reply to Stephanie. After reading it, I’m really curious. What percentage of your male readership were virgins upon marriage? I’m willing to bet that very few of them were – from what I gather, a number of the single men who comment here are frequent fornicators. Even worse, they seem to believe (if I’m understanding their comments correctly) that there is no problem with this.
    The other really ironic thing I’ve found is that the bad boys who have slept around (even the Christian ones) are quite fond of virgins. So it really is ‘one rule for me, one rule for thee’. Comments further up on this page confirm this. Why is that? The way I read the Bible, it’s pretty clear that God ordained sex to be between a husband and a wife, and that’s it. All sexual activity outside of matrimony is sinful.

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  24. Ace,
    I really can’t say what percentage of my readers, male or female, are virgins, or were virgins prior to marriage. I am happy that some of them have claimed to be so. Of course all men prefer a virgin, even if they themselves are not.
    Men prefer virgins. Its like asking if you would rather be given a new car or a used one. New please!

    The way I read the Bible, it’s pretty clear that God ordained sex to be between a husband and a wife, and that’s it. All sexual activity outside of matrimony is sinful.

    I totally agree. I also believe most of my commenters would likely agree with that. Although There are probably some who don’t.

    I, as a man, find it odd that women generally are more attracted to cads and players than to virgin men. It is a flaw in female nature, where women want what is worse for them.

    I think that if women stayed under the protection of their fathers and lived under their control until they got married, that would likely preserve the virginity of a lot more of them. And if they let their father pick their husband they would more likely get one that was good for them, and a virgin, instead of just one that created sexual tension within them. If the fathers did the picking, young men would live up to the fathers’ expectations, not girls’ silly expectations. Most fathers wouldn’t want to pick a cad, a likely cheater, for their daughter, like she might choose for herself. In the end, to make a relationship last, you have to choose to love the other person. It is great to have natural attraction, that surely helps. But love is a choice, and you can choose to love your spouse even if you didn’t pick them by yourself. Sadly enough, I’d have most likely been far better off with somebody my parents picked, even if I initially didn’t find them very attractive.

    Liked by 2 people

  25. Pastor Sharkly —

    “I think that if women stayed under the protection of their fathers and lived under their control until they got married, that would likely preserve the virginity of a lot more of them. And if they let their father pick their husband they would more likely get one that was good for them, and a virgin, instead of just one that created sexual tension within them. If the fathers did the picking, young men would live up to the father’s expectations, not girls silly expectations.”

    That is traditional society, or what modern feminist nations (America, Britain, etc.) consider Hateful Patriarchy. This is just Eve’s rebellion, writ global. A woman rides the beast.

    Father-led, traditional family is also the social structure Christ will implement during the Millennium. If you want to help the world transition into the Kingdom, then you speak and act as Pastor Sharkly just directed. This system provides the maximum contentment and stability for all concerned. Whereas the current Feminist model of the nations enriches the elite, the female and the State, at the expense of the man and the family unit. That is rebellion against God and reaps the whirlwind.

    Females must always have a spiritual protection over them, in the form of a dad first, and then a husband. If not, then their greater susceptibility to demonic influence produces the corrupted societies we see in much of the modern West.

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  26. I’m not sure if women are attracted to cads and players. But many of us are attracted to the “bad boy” persona. The Harley, the rebel… there’s a lot of sex appeal there. I guess it’s almost a power thing, if that makes sense. He’s confident enough and strong enough to do his own thing, and he will use that confidence and power to protect us. I mean, back in the early days of my marriage when I got off the back of my husband’s motorbike and walked hand in hand with this tall, broad bikie dude wearing a leather jacket, I felt invincible. Untouchable. Like courting danger safely. It’s thrilling. These are passionate men, and passion is attractive.
    But it goes deeper than that. Those of us who are attracted to the bad boys want them to be good for us. We want to tame them. We want the marshmallow part of that tough man.

    Experience has taught me that this is not necessarily wise. My marriage would likely have been easier if I hadn’t chosen a Bad Boy with the addictions and issues many men of this type have. A steadier man with a regular job, no addictions, kind and good would likely have made for a steadier, happier, more solid marriage. We definitely would have had less financial problems. We definitely wouldn’t have shifted house 23 times in 17 years, nor would our eldest son have been to 14 different schools. But the attraction of a “bad boy” is pretty strong.
    I’ve heard it said that girls are attracted to men who are like their fathers and that is certainly true for me and also my sister. The men we have picked remind us of Dad in a lot of ways. And we both picked Bad Boys.
    It’s probably true that father’s would not pick these kinds of men for their daughters. But most father’s don’t pick their daughters spouses these days.

    Liked by 1 person

  27. Ace,
    Thank you for your honest and insightful answer. I was reminded of part of a comment I saw elsewhere: https://therationalmale.com/2019/11/15/unconscious-contempt/comment-page-2/#comment-284743

    weminuche45 says: … it helps her harness him to her plow. Which is exactly what all women want. Even after beauty gets the beast, or the girl gets the alpha, job 1 becomes attempting to domesticate and harness him.

    The sad irony is that If she is successful in her efforts…they BOTH end up miserable.

    Like

  28. “And that’s what I taught my girls. When you choose someone to marry, first and foremost, before everything else, choose someone who knows Jesus.
    Because ultimately nothing else matters. And that’s why we need to change this conversation around virginity, as if we are born pure, but then we can mess up and never be pure again.

    Purity, you see, is not something you can lose. Purity is something that you gain in Christ.”

    Now that you see it in context – as advice to daughters – who can argue with that?
    The point is; Our pasts don’t matter. Loving Jesus is what matters.”

    This advice is too vague to be useful. Churches are full of young people that claim to, “love Jesus” but their actions betray them. I know a young man that is active in his church, he claims to love Jesus but he is undisciplined and refuseS to work. He openly begs other Christians for money. He is also overweight. He says he loves Jesus, would you recommend a daughter or other young woman marry him?

    This advice is also too shallow and foolish to be useful. The Bible has clear guidelines about who we can marry, who we can not marry, and what qualities a man and woman need to be a good mate. Ignoring these specifics and just saying, hey they love Jesus gets lots of people into bad marriages.

    I know of a young man who used a gun to rob a store and he murdered a clerk during the robbery. He did not get caught for over 10 years. In the interim he became a Christian, then became a youth pastor. After that he was arrested, convicted and sent away to jail for life. Try telling this guy that his past does not matter!

    I have read of several young women who were very, very promiscuous before becoming Christians and then getting married. Even though their sins are forgiven their past promiscuity has caused major problems in relating to their husband.

    I was friends with a nice guy at Church who married a single mom. He was a good husband but the baggage the single mom brought into the marriage caused her to divorce him after 8 or 10 years of marriage. She initiated the divorce! Try telling him that her past did not matter!!

    Liked by 2 people

  29. “Once we understand the latent purpose of this social convention, let me explain to every man reading – vetting a woman’s sexual past is not just your prerogative, but an absolute imperative to the health of any future relationship you hope to have with her.” – Book 3, Positive Masculinity, Rollo Tomassi

    “When you consider the significant risks you are essentially setting yourself up for, risks no woman can ever acknowledge, empathize with or appreciate, the single most important thing you can do is vet her according to that woman’s sexual past.” – Book 3, Positive Masculinity, Rollo Tomassi

    Liked by 2 people

  30. Men and women are different when it comes to sex. Obviously both being virgins is the ideal. But men with sexual pasts I think would bring less baggage into a marriage than women with sexual pasts would, simply because of the emotional attachment women have with sex and intimacy.
    A virgin man marrying a woman with a promiscuous past would be worst of all, I think, because the woman would be subconsciously comparing him to her previous partners and he’s going to come up short. From what I’ve seen, women have a special bond with the man they lose their virginity to (under normal circumstances) and that bond can never be made properly again. There will be something missing for the woman from then on.

    I still think Sheila’s advice is good though – loving Jesus is what is important. Loving Him is following Him, right? Someone claiming to love Him when their lives show otherwise, is usually obvious. My daughters are nowhere near marriageable age yet (almost 15 and almost 13) but if they fell in love with someone who claimed to love Jesus but was not following Him (no steady job, very worldly etc) we would advise them to wait.

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  31. Is it true men have little emotional attachment to sex whatsoever? Seems it’s simply for stress relief from work and a literal release of built up tension, and of course procreation.

    I waited longer than I expected to get married because I wanted a virgin husband. I knew “bad boys” were trouble and wanted no part of their drama (referring to Ace’s comment of addiction and unemployment problems-no thanks!) I also didn’t want a man who compared my body with previous bodies of naked women or my obvious lack of sexual experience. A virgin female friend who married a non virgin man ended up with an STD and now has infertility problems.

    I’m happy I respected myself & stayed pure for my husband even though I married later than I thought I would, knowing my worth in Christ encompasses purity. I wish all women embraced their virginity and understood the physical & emotional consequences that accompany pre martial fornication.

    Happy Thanksgiving!

    Liked by 1 person

  32. Welcome feministdestroyer,
    Everybody starts in moderation until I approve their first comment from that identity at a specific IP address. Also 4 or more links will get your comment held for approval.

    Thanks for your 5 thumbs up! Your comments should post immediately now, if you post from that same IP address using that same identity.

    Like

  33. @Ace said ” I enjoyed Lori Alexander’s for a very long time too, so I guess we will see. As I get more into her blog there might be stuff I don’t agree with. (I am KAK on Lori’s blog, if you’ve read it much you may have seen me)”

    ^I don’t read Lori’s comments, they started to get too dramatic for me back when she went viral a few years ago, and I didn’t like seeing all the negativity. But I generally agree with Lori 🙂 she’s an email friend whose given me good advice from time to time.

    Sheila and Lori are like polar opposites LOL… so if you don’t like Lori, you may find you agree a lot more with Sheila.

    Like

  34. I need to interject here and make it clear that I do NOT recommend Sheila’s site to anyone. When I briefly read there a while back, her writing was quite often wrong, against God’s word, and always chasing after the world. I agree that she may be Lori Alexander’s polar opposite, in that Lori is seeking obedience to God, and is usually mostly right, whereas Sheila is seeking license to live like the world, and is way too often spiritually wrong. Sheila is up to her eyeballs in her own Feminism.

    Liked by 2 people

  35. I like Lori Alexander. But I don’t read her blog anymore because the disgusting comments she insists on posting from misogynistic men intent on destroying a safe space for women in difficult marriages has ruined it for me.
    I do think Lori is mostly right scripturally, though.

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  36. @Ace,
    LOL That would be me! If I comment at Lori’s women’s site, it is usually to correct women spewing false doctrine, point out misandry, correct women who slander their husbands or proudly tell about their rebellion, and to encourage women to stay true to their husbands, find contentment in their circumstances, endure suffering AKA “abuse” for the cause of Jesus Christ, submit as unto the Lord in all lawful things that they don’t want to submit in, and Etc. The Bible makes it clear that the safest space for a woman is in full subjection to a responsible man, as God created her to be. Lori and many of the wiser women recognize the peril of women led “Bible studies”. My wife went to a women’s “Bible study” while she was having online affairs and swapping sensual photos for dick pics, and Etc. And the women encouraged her to run out on me, because she told them I was mad at her, to steal the kids and lie to me, supposedly for her own safety. Those stupid women got everything wrong and listened to another woman’s bullshit instead of listening to God’s word. That is why silly women need a man like me to put them back in their correct place, because their sisters in Christ seemingly either lack the balls or the brains to tell them bluntly to quit being spiritual retards. I wish some man at my wife’s church had enough balls to tell my wife to quit her frivolous divorce and put our sons’ home back together. But instead that batch of spiritual retards is encouraging her and has created a safe space for unrepentant whores to make a blasphemous mockery of their Maker while being cheered on by the Great Whore. I’m proud to have ruined your safe space Ace. Nobody should be “safe” from admonishment, and left to remain spiritually wayward, yet feel fully accepted with their ongoing sin. What most of those women mainly need is just a wise and Godly man to guide them, and keep them accountable. And many of them have such a man at home, and yet they go online for a second opinion. They act like silly sheep without a good shepherd! They just need swatted with the rod and poked with the staff to go in the right direction.
    Thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.

    Liked by 1 person

  37. No Sharkly, it wasn’t your comments. Although they are not particularly helpful on that blog (I am in contact with more than a dozen women who have stopped reading Lori’s blog for the same reason I have) but you very rarely comment there.

    The women who have been chased away from Lori’s blog by misogynistic men are in similar situations to me – married to a man who is not following Jesus, who battles with addiction, who is angry, broken, and difficult. Our marriages are tough! Lori is very good at encouraging women to just keep going, keep being kind and gentle, keep submitting. The comments from some men completely undo Lori’s good work.
    If you feel proud of making life even more difficult for women in difficult marriages, and proud of discouraging them in their walk with God, that’s actually quite scary. The body of Christ is meant to be supporting each other, not tearing each other apart.

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  38. Ace says: No Sharkly, it wasn’t your comments. Although they are not particularly helpful on that blog …

    Thankfully I’m not governed by your judgement. I’m wise enough to do what I do in spite of those who don’t see the value in what I’m doing there. You acknowledge that my comments have an affect there. And even if you didn’t acknowledge it, you won’t see the full effect with eyes of flesh. You don’t solicit the disciplined for their opinion on your correction.

    What word has the following meanings?
    1. to exert control, direction, or influence on
    2. to determine and declare authoritatively
    3. to draw a straight line on, using something that has a straight edge

    That would be defining the word “Rule”. I’m taking the measure of people’s stated actions and beliefs, authoritatively laying down the straight line of God’s righteous will for us, and directing people to go God’s way. Of course your rebellious side doesn’t like to be ruled over by God or any man. But, like children, women do best with Biblical foundational structure and solidly enforced boundaries. Men who are more logical/rational, principled, and live more according to reason rather than emotional impulses, are more likely to benefit from having some liberty. Sadly, I’m finding out too late that giving women liberty, is just letting them aimlessly wander into sin, or some run directly to sin, with very little to no chance they will use that liberty to find and serve God, unless they are under very firm rule to follow God.

    Ace says: If you feel proud of making life even more difficult for women in difficult marriages, and proud of discouraging them in their walk with God, that’s actually quite scary. The body of Christ is meant to be supporting each other, not tearing each other apart.

    Luke 14:26 “If anyone comes to Me and does not hate his father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters, yes, and his own life also, he cannot be My disciple. 27 And whoever does not bear his cross and come after Me cannot be My disciple. 28 For which of you, intending to build a tower, does not sit down first and count the cost, whether he has enough to finish it— 29 lest, after he has laid the foundation, and is not able to finish, all who see it begin to mock him, 30 saying, ‘This man began to build and was not able to finish’? 31 Or what king, going to make war against another king, does not sit down first and consider whether he is able with ten thousand to meet him who comes against him with twenty thousand? 32 Or else, while the other is still a great way off, he sends a delegation and asks conditions of peace. 33 So likewise, whoever of you does not forsake all that he has cannot be My disciple.

    You had better count the cost Ace. Maybe you don’t have what it takes to be a disciple, to follow after Christ, and you’ll just end up becoming a mockery to this world, and yet still go to hell? However if God has given you enough grace to follow Him to salvation, you’d better quit trying to use any of that grace to exercise your own rebellion or you may fall short in the end. You should commit everything you have to obeying, not pushing the boundaries between God and this world’s Feminist ways. You need to be prepared to forsake all your Feminist ways, or otherwise you’re just fooling yourself about being a true follower of Christ. If you want to keep some of your Feminism, then ditch God, and convince yourself that you have a goddess within you, that your own ways are holy, that the way that seems right unto you leads to life. If you’re lukewarm God will spew you out anyhow. It serves little purpose to serve God halfway, and follow Feminism halfway. Pick a side.

    If that sort of exhortation drives some women away, then those are the chaff that need to be sorted out. Not everybody is chosen to be among the vessels of God’s mercy. Some were foreordained to be vessels of God’s wrath, and are fitted for destruction. Pretenders need not apply.

    Matthew 15:21 And He answered, “It is not right to take the children’s bread and throw it to the dogs.”

    Matthew 7:21 Not everyone who says to Me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ shall enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of My Father in heaven.

    Liked by 1 person

  39. Sharkly – The main reason your comments on Lori’s blog don’t help me, is because they don’t apply to me. I’m doing what you were not able to do – make a very difficult marriage to a person with addictions, work. You have not overcome abuse. You have not patiently waited for your wife to overcome her addictions. All addicts refuse help initially. They have to decide first that they have a problem and second, that they want to overcome it. Only then can they be helped. Living with them during that time can be horrendous. I can do it – I’ve been doing it for years. You can’t – you’re getting divorced.
    That is not actually intended to be as bitchy as it sounds. Some marriages just can’t work, no matter what. Sometimes the personal cost is just too great – severe abuse where life and/or sanity is threatened, for example. I’m not judging. I know it’s tough. In some situations, it’s just impossible. But that’s not my point. My point is, I am enduring. Sometimes, it feels like more than I can bear. But God gets me through.
    You complain about how nothing worked to change your wife and make your marriage more pleasant. I understand that completely because I am in the same boat – but I’m still in that boat. It sounds like you’re not really in that boat any more, your boat is going somewhere different, now.
    How can you tell me to obey God when that is what I am doing every single day? I couldn’t have gotten this far without God right there, helping me, carrying me when it gets too hard.
    How are you able to give me advice about being married to a difficult person when you are in the midst of divorce yourself? Other women on Lori’s blog who are in similar situations to me are immensely helpful, but a man who is getting divorced from his wife just can’t help. That’s reality. There may be some women in situations different to mine, with personalities different to me, who are helped by your comments, and others who comment in a similar vein to you, but I am not one of them.

    And do you know what? My husband is slowly turning back to the Lord. He is still battling his addictions, but it’s a battle he is slowly winning. Next week is our annual church convention – a big gathering for 5 days where we meet, have fellowship, worship, hear the gospel together. It’s deeply spiritually refreshing. And my husband is coming too. For the first time in several years, he is coming with me!!
    That has not happened by me being rebellious, as you seem to think, or turning away from God, as you also seem to think. It has not happened by me taking any notice of men who have no clue what my marriage is like. It has partly happened by me following the advice of women who have been where I am, who have lived what I have lived, and who understand. It has partly happened because of fervent prayers – mine and others. It has partly happened because I have held fast to Jesus, continued being faithful, continued going to church with our children. But mostly, it has happened because I have patiently waited for the Lord to work again in his heart and my husband has slowly responded, as I knew he would.
    The advice you, and other men like you give, is not helpful in me waiting patiently at all. It is more soul-destroying than anything.
    Until you know what it is like to submit to a man who calls you the nastiest of names because he is in a bad mood because he has withdrawals, you can not give advice.
    Your exhortation can not possibly help women who are in my situation. I’ve told you this before, but you refuse to even try to understand why that is.
    You are not living with your mean, addicted, evil, manipulative, emotionally abusive wife. I am living with my husband, who has different issues than your wife, but who, at times, has been no less difficult to live with. The better times now do not entirely negate the very long years of extreme difficulty. Just because you do not believe women because your wife destroyed your trust in all women, does not change the reality of my life.

    I can’t remember the name of the commenter on Lori’s blog who has helped me more than anything but it might be M. She has a beautiful spirit and it shines through so clearly in her comments. The fruits of the spirit spoken about in Galatians are clear. It is these fruits – kindness, meekness, gentleness, love, patience, faithfulness – that I have been displaying to my husband, with God’s help. A lot of God’s help. Walking in the spirit is a commandment to us.

    Liked by 1 person

  40. “Until you know what it is like to submit to a man who calls you the nastiest of names because he is in a bad mood because he has withdrawals, you can not give advice.
    Your exhortation can not possibly help women who are in my situation. I’ve told you this before, but you refuse to even try to understand why that is”

    ^This argument doesn’t make sense though. Not everyone has to have gone through a certain ordeal in order to be able to see wisdom in trying to help someone through it. I think this argument was used against Mother Theresa, to claim she had no business telling other women how to behave or raise their children, because she wasn’t married and had none. But they were wrong to a significant degree, she was very old, and had a lot of wisdom to give on those topics even if she didn’t have personal experience living it.

    What advice has Sharkly given that you said was, “soul-destroying?” That is a huge claim, just wondering if you have specific examples to back it up.

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  41. Stephanie – My comment absolutely makes sense when you understand my situation. Advice needs to be tailored to specific situations. It is impossible for someone to give “one size fits all” advice. The exhortation Sharkly wrote above is specifically what I was referring to – he said if that sort of exhortation drives women away, then they’re the chaff that need to go. I’m saying his exhortation doesn’t help my specific situation. You probably have to understand the history between Sharkly and I to understand that. I’m fairly confident Sharkly knows what I mean though – I’ve shared a bit on here previously about the early years of my marriage and Sharkly has given some sound advice. But what he wrote above, doesn’t help at all. Men like Sharkly, because of their own experiences, often believe that all marital problems are a women’s fault and all she has to do is submit to and obey her husband and all will be fine. But those of us who are married to men with addictions, with anger problems, with self-control issues etc. know otherwise. We’re already obeyed and submitting and we’re still getting called nasty names and verbally abused etc. If you haven’t lived that, you can’t relate to it, so most likely don’t have the empathy required to be able to encourage a woman to just keep hanging in there, keep trusting in God, keep doing your best. Just ordering women to obey doesn’t cut it. Someone who has lived it, knows that.

    As for soul-destroying comments? It’s not just Sharkly guilty of making those. But insisting a woman should stay in an abusive marriage even if it means her death, is right up there with the worst soul-destroying comments I’ve read. And Sharkly has an entire blog post dedicated to that.
    Again, if you’ve never feared for your life in your marriage, you probably don’t understand what it’s like. And if you don’t understand what it’s like, your advice, however well intentioned, can make the struggle so much harder (generic “you” meant here – as in, every person – not you specifically).

    To try to explain what I mean another way…. if I’m understanding Sharkly’s situation correctly, he *could* hold his family intact. He *could* do what his wife wants, bow down to her will, allow himself to be emasculated, be perpetually unhappy under his wife’s rule, and have an intact marriage, with himself, his boys and his wife all under one roof. Understandably, he doesn’t want that. Nobody would. The cost is too great. Yet he calls a woman to suffer abuse, including verbal, emotional, and physical abuse that can maim her and take her life. Sharkly has a crazy wife and does not live with her. Some women have a crazy, violent, angry husband, and Sharkly expects them to stay with him and take everything he dishes out. Even if it kills her. Sharkly is telling women to do what he will not do himself: suffer immensely, to hold a marriage together. It’s like he thinks that all violent, angry, addiction-addled men are only that way because of their wives, but that is absolutely not true.
    Sharkly compared a man being emasculated to a woman being raped. Sharkly refused to allow his wife to continue to emasculate him, yet he thinks a woman who is frequently raped by her husband (I don’t mean sex when she doesn’t feel like it, I mean violent, forceful sex. Forced anal sex etc) should endure it.

    Here is an example of a morning:
    Wife up and about getting kids ready for school.
    Husband calls her into the bedroom: Get me a f***ing coffee you f*****g b*tch, my head f****g hurts.
    Wife obediently makes coffee and brings it into the bedroom, very careful to not show any attitude or rebellion, but consciously choosing to be kind and sweet and patient
    Husband: f****g whore (in a really nasty tone)

    Half an hour later, after the husband has had a few cigarettes, his entire mood changes.

    Some women live like that, day after day after day after day after day. And Sharkly (and others) tell them to submit to their husbands and obey them. I wonder what on earth it is that these men think these women are doing? Most women would leave. They wouldn’t stay in that kind of a situation. But women like me do stay. And this is our life. It is why very few of Sharkly’s “exhortations” are helpful.

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  42. “As for soul-destroying comments? It’s not just Sharkly guilty of making those. But insisting a woman should stay in an abusive marriage even if it means her death, is right up there with the worst soul-destroying comments I’ve read. And Sharkly has an entire blog post dedicated to that.”

    ^I haven’t seen that post, so I’ll try check it out.

    “Advice needs to be tailored to specific situations. It is impossible for someone to give “one size fits all” advice.”

    ^Yes, I agree with this statement. But that’s not what you said before. You said a blanket statement that went like this, ““Until you know what it is like to submit to a man who calls you the nastiest of names because he is in a bad mood because he has withdrawals, you can not give advice.”

    I do understand that it’s better for someone older to give advice especially in tricky situations and heartbreaking marriages, but my issue was more with your initial statement that sounded like you’d only listen to another woman who had been through the exact same thing. Which to be honest… that even rules out Jesus (or the Bible itself).

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  43. This may not apply to you personally, but I’ve encountered women in your situation who are extremely hostile to ANY advice whatsoever, and in some ways, I get that… you’re I’m sure extremely disappointed and angry. But (again this may not be you) they’re often coming from a place of arrogance that they won’t listen to anyone who hasn’t been in their shoes and yet seek out the very people who they claim they don’t want to listen to. One of these women used to follow my blog, just to try to point out every chance she could that my advice wouldn’t work for her or others in her situation… it was like an obsession she used to distract herself with her life and she’s done this for years and years online with various traditional/submissive bloggers. Not sure if you know of the Peaceful Wife, but she let me know this woman probably had a mental illness and that’s what was causing this strange behavior of being **INDIGNANT** anyone try to give her advice, but everyday seeking us out, arguing with us and getting something out of it apparently.

    I was sympathetic to her, but it was never enough and eventually she went nuts and threatened me over a religious post that clashed with her religion (Catholic).

    What I took away from dealing with someone like that – they use their abusive marriage as a stick to beat people with who aren’t giving the advice they want to see. I’m not kidding, they use their abusive marriages as a crutch and some kind of psychological excuse to play the victim to anyone who will listen, which is just very odd to me. They may really BE a victim, but the behavior they do online is just very very odd. She was online every day, hours a day, even though she had 6 children she was supposedly homeschooling, and all she did was complain about how abusive her husband was to all of us bloggers, and seemed to enjoy getting online just to argue with bloggers she didn’t agree with. Bloggers like Lori… she was obsessed with Lori.

    I do wonder why you’re here, Ace, if you describe Sharkly’s post as, “soul-destroying.” Why would you stay somewhere if that’s what you truly feel/believe? To me, that just doesn’t make sense. But it does mirror the strange behavior of that other woman I encountered… it’s almost like going online distracts from the real problems in one’s life (which I wouldn’t say is good) and becomes an obsession where a woman like this just seeks to argue her case… time after time… getting nowhere. Something’s not right spiritually when someone acts like this… maybe they need to be in therapy to talk or argue things out, but going online where you **know** you’re only going to disagree or become obsessed with someone, it just doesn’t seem mentally healthy 😦

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  44. Stephanie – You’re right, my blanket statement was not worded very well. I have been helped immensely by Lori Alexander, both in personal emails from her, and by reading her blog. As far as I know, she has not been married to an abusive man, but she does have enough experience with life and marriage to be able to give relevant advice. Also many commenters there are living in similar situations to mine and are also extremely helpful.

    I originally found Sharkly’s blog when I clicked on his name on Lori’s blog. I was intrigued by his constantly negative, bitter comments and wanted to understand how it was that someone could harbour so much hate and bitterness towards women. On this blog I found my answer.
    Why do I stay? Well actually, I left for a while. General busyness of life kept me away, and when I read it briefly when I got a chance I stumbled on a comment about men ideally not interacting with women at all, so I stayed away again. There are many posts on here that I haven’t read. I’ve only very recently come back. Earlier on, I enjoyed the discussion here and actually got a lot out of it. I learned a lot, and Sharkly did have some very wise advice which helped me. There is a lot to be learned here. And I obviously wasn’t clear – it’s some of the comments from men on Lori’s blog which are soul-destroying. The one post I mentioned about suffering in marriage Sharkly wrote also falls into the soul-destroying category, but as this is a different kind of space, when on here they come across differently and most of his posts I can find something in them to take away and help me.

    The woman you are talking about does sound very much like someone I once knew. Arguing online was her form of therapy. She sought out many places to argue – blogs and various social media. It didn’t really matter what the topic was, she would happily argue about it. She was deeply depressed. Sadly, she took her own life a year or so ago.

    I think I also need to clarify that my own marriage is pretty good at the moment. It has been turbulent and extremely difficult in the past, but right now we’re pretty happy 🙂

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  45. Ace,
    You seem to be making some erroneous assumptions about my wife’s divorce filing. First off it is entirely her doing. It is “No-Fault”, meaning she does not have to even allege any wrongdoing on my part to get it. She moved out of my house and stole the kids while I was gone to work supporting them. I have done every thing I can to try to reconcile, and still am fixing to try some more drastic measures. Our divorce has drug on for almost two years now, and my wife has still refused to attend joint marriage counselling even after she agreed to, about a year ago, in the best interest of the children, right before I was going to get it court ordered. She is using false claims to prevent us from sitting down with any sort of mediator to even asses the situation. She doesn’t want anybody to get to the bottom of things. I am financially getting decimated by continually allowing her to keep things in limbo, while I hope to reconcile, while I am under temporary orders that are not nearly as favorable to me as a divorce would be. She has refused any pastoral meetings I have set up. She has failed to listen to friends and relatives that I have had call her asking her to do what is right. Ken Alexander started counselling us separately for free, and she told him she didn’t want to use him for counselling, but insists on getting somebody who will only listen, agree with her, and then bill my insurance. Lori Alexander volunteered her phone number for my wife, but my wife refused to even call her. Some of the things I do to try to bring us back together will likely be used against me in court, so by my efforts I’m actually hurting my future, just to try to get her to reconcile. Meanwhile she lies and slanders and tells people that it is my fault we are not having joint marriage counselling, when that is entirely because she is falsely claiming it would be too traumatic for her to participate in a joint session, when she is often alone with me by choice, whenever it suits her purposes. She will come over to my house when I’m home, leave the kids in the car, dig through my stuff for what she wants and nag me for extended periods of time when our nearest neighbor is a quarter of a mile away, and then she claims to her counselor that even with a licensed mental health counselor present she would be too afraid to be in the same room with me. I’ve been through two full psychological evaluations, took a bunch of psychological tests and been found to be free of any personality disorders or the sex/porn addiction she claimed I have to get the kids away from me. In fact the Sex addiction doctor’s report concludes that I am so sexually normal that he suspects that my accuser most likely has a psychological issue with accepting normal sexuality. But, no, she just keeps grasping at straws to someway make this be my fault, for what she is doing, making the kids fatherless for a huge chunk of their lives. So, no, I am not divorcing my wife, I have not given up, even though my patience is horribly tried now for over 17 years, I’m still fighting like a banshee to stay in an abusive relationship with a woman with a behavioral addiction, two mood disorders, and a thought disorder. Have I asked for prayer for my marriage here, at Lori’s, at Dalrock’s, at every other site I have commented at, and every place I meet Christians in the real world? You know it! It is not by my choice that I have spent the last two years in a divorce with my assets frozen trying to reconcile, and now in fact have been sued by my own sisters for not selling land and settling with my mother’s estate. They accuse me of dragging out the divorce just to keep from settling with the estate. I am literally being sued and am under threat of having my property auctioned out from under me, in a couple of months because I did not agree to be divorced and get that taken care of sooner. It is a complicated mess to explain, but trust me it has already cost me over $70,000 additional just to my sisters just this year to not get the divorce over with, while trying to get a crazy intimacy anorexic to value her kids childhood and development over her addiction to distancing me. I’m watching our retirement or our kids future inheritance quickly get pissed away to her addiction. While my life and productive years are also being squandered by her sinful drama. There is plenty more crazy stuff to tell, but I’ll quit there for now. Rest assured, I still get verbally “abused” to this day by my wife and others, my cup of insults has been filling up.
    Read 1 Peter Chapter 2 starting at about verse 15 into Chapter 3 around verse 6, then I’ll respond later about how some of you ladies don’t know the difference between soul destroying, and soul preserving advice.

    Praise the Lord that your husband is perhaps making some progress.

    Liked by 1 person

  46. Dang Sharkly it just sounds so very hard. I don’t see your comments as coming across as hateful toward women at all, and can’t understand any man or woman coming from that perspective.

    Ace, I’m so sad about your friend. To me that shows that the kind of behavior of seeking out people you know you disagree with, just to argue and repeatedly play the victim of your life’s circumstances, can’t be mentally healthy. She may have thought it was a form of therapy, but obviously it didn’t help or give her hope, largely due to the kind of attitude women like that cling to. Bitterness can eventually kill you.

    Sharkly doesn’t seem to have any bitterness, at least it doesn’t show through in the way most people can online. I’ve praised him for that before, because it is **remarkable** and something he SHOULD be praised for. It annoys me greatly to see people basically slander him by saying what you’ve said, accusing him of pushing for the divorce or whatnot. Hopefully you can see how insulting that would be… and at his own blog of all things. Not trying to be mean, but just trying to help you, “see,” how you come across.

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  47. Sharkly I am so sorry to have come to the wrong conclusions about your divorce. And, as a woman, I am absolutely disgusted in your wife. I cannot even imagine doing that kind of thing to anybody, let alone the very person I vowed to love and cherish for the rest of our lives, no matter what.
    It is a shame that your wife won’t take counsel from Lori Alexander; she has helped me immensely.
    I feel so sorry for your boys. My sister and I were in our late teens when our parents finally separated after years of mum’s infidelity and it was awful. Even at that age, she tried to twist everything to turn us against our father and it worked on my sister, to some extent.
    I am sorry, Sharkly. I will be praying for you and your family.

    Liked by 1 person

  48. Stephanie – it’s more the comments from Sharkly (and others) on Lori’s blog that are bitter and hateful towards women. On here, his tone is actually quite different.
    Also bear in mind I live in New Zealand and am applying cultural norms here and the laws here, and my experience of the family court system here, when I comment but it seems like the court systems are actually incredibly different. I kinda figured that laws in western countries would all be much the same but they clearly aren’t. Here, there simply isn’t the provision in the law for either spouse to treat their partner in the manner Sharklys wife is treating him. Nor do we have alimony payments. Child support yes, but spousal support is very rare. Men (and women) don’t get financially ruined by divorce, here.

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  49. Sharkly – one more thing. I have been reading those verses in Peter almost daily, for years. How else do you think I have been able to endure?
    I also cling to the living testimony of a good friend who was married to a very difficult man and endured heartbreak for 25 years. But she stayed faithful and eventually her husband came back to her properly and returned to following Jesus and she said she had the best 4 years of her life with him before he died of cancer. She nursed him at home right up until the end. Our men are fighting different battles, but her faithfulness daily is very inspiring to me. She lived out those verses in Peter.

    Liked by 2 people

  50. Ok you mention New Zealand cultural norms, would it be normal if you had your own blog detailing your abuse by your husband (comparing it to Sharkly here) and strange men came to argue with you about how legitimate that abuse was, or accuse you of the opposite you claimed in that same blog? Is this normal for New Zealanders to go to an abuse victim’s blog and accuse them of abuse?

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  51. Bee – further up you said this: I know of a young man who used a gun to rob a store and he murdered a clerk during the robbery. He did not get caught for over 10 years. In the interim he became a Christian, then became a youth pastor. After that he was arrested, convicted and sent away to jail for life. Try telling this guy that his past does not matter!

    Thinking about this, wouldn’t admitting to his crime and serving his sentence be part of his repentance/becoming a Christian? How could someone follow Jesus when he has that horrendous crime always at the back of his mind? I would think you would need to atone for that before you could serve God. The Bible speaks about recompense for sins against fellow man.

    Maybe my understanding of this is just really unclear, but I don’t get how someone can have God’s peace in their hearts when they haven’t “made right” their pasts.

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  52. Ace says: As for soul-destroying comments? It’s not just Sharkly guilty of making those. But insisting a woman should stay in an abusive marriage even if it means her death, is right up there with the worst soul-destroying comments I’ve read. And Sharkly has an entire blog post dedicated to that.

    Perhaps this is the post where I give the historical example of a godly woman who chooses to be burned at the stake for following Christ, as taught in 1 Peter chapter 2-3, rather than leave her unsaved husband to escape: https://laf443259520.wordpress.com/2019/07/28/how-much-should-christians-be-willing-to-suffer-for-christ/

    There also could be other posts where I have taught that, because that is what the Bible teaches. That we should obey and follow God and the Bible, even if it means getting thrown in the death-row of an Egyptian prison, a fiery furnace, a hungry lion’s den, or a dangerous marriage. Others were stoned to death, killed for sport in the coliseum, and Etc., and they have won an imperishable eternal martyrs crown from the hand of God, an honor that will last for all eternity, respected amongst the redeemed in the highest heaven. Don’t let anybody steal your future glory, for a moment of self preservation. You’ll die regardless of all your efforts to save yourself from ever laying down your life for your faith.
    Matthew 16:25 For whosoever will save his life shall lose it, and whosoever will lose his life for My sake shall find it. (also Matthew 10:39)
    The soul destroying comment is the one that tells you to run from your vow to be your husband’s, to have and to hold, and God’s command that you submit to your husband as unto the Lord. By saving your life you will possibly loose your salvation, by demonstrating that even though innocent Jesus Christ humbled himself and died for your sins, you, a sinner, would not shed your blood for the King of glory who first died for you while you were still alien to Him and opposed to Him. How did Satan accuse Job before God?
    Job 2:4 And Satan answered the Lord and said, “Skin for skin, yea, all that a man hath will he give for his life. 5 But put forth Thine hand now and touch his bone and his flesh, and he will curse Thee to Thy face!”
    When you spite God’s commands to save your own hide, you prove Satan’s accusations against your soul. Would it not be faithful to endure unto death, with the patience of Job, never forsaking God’s calling to righteous conduct, and put the lie to Satan’s accusation, and receive the eternal holy crown of Life? Would you not die, that you might live eternally? Hebrews 9:27 And as it is appointed unto men once to die, but after this the Judgment, Ace, I guarantee you that you will end up dead! The only question is who you will die for? Will you die following God’s word, or following your own self preserving nature? Sometimes people aren’t directly faced with that choice, but perhaps you face that choice every day. I would encourage you to continue and be willing to lose your life for the sake of Christ, that you might find life eternal. I am trying to preserve your soul, unto glory. Don’t get upset that I define your choice between yourself and God so clearly. It seems you’d rather be told pleasant sounding lies. Luke 14:26 If any man come to Me and hate not his father and mother, and wife and children, and brethren and sisters, yea, and his own life also, he cannot be My disciple. 27 And whosoever doth not bear his cross and come after Me cannot be My disciple.
    As long as you love your life in this world, you cannot function as Christ’s disciple. You of all people should be close to having enough reason to scorn this life, and live for the next. Just daily decide to set your heart on your next life, willingly sacrificing this one for Christ, and lay up your treasures with Christ in the next life, where your heart should be. You’re messed up Ace! A perfect body, mind, and spirit await you in the life to come, if you can, by faith, willing let go of this flawed one, and be prepared each day to present your body a living sacrifice before Christ and your husband, even if someday The Lord claims your body as his own, and you become one flesh with Him, having died in obedience like He did, sacrificed by His Father, for your redemption. Please consider it. You know those verses are of the Word of God, come down from heaven, the Way, the Truth, an the Life. Don’t be deceived that there is some easier way, it is narrow and hard and few will find it. I encourage you to find the faith to live as a willing sacrifice, you’ve already given up so much for Christ, why not give Him everything and put all your faith in Him? You’re half way there already!

    Liked by 1 person

  53. Ace says: “Hearing “f***K off out of my house slag” yelled at me…”
    “Husband: f****g whore (in a really nasty tone)”

    The Bible says to do unto others as you would have them do unto you. And if my wife told people that I had called her a whore or a slag, I’d want them to do me the decency of asking why.
    I have called my wife a whore, usually to “quit being a whore”, and I’ve explained to her in great detail what behavior is whorish and why she should quit it. Unfortunately she does that unfaithful stuff intentionally to make me mad and destroy any possibility of intimacy in the relationship. But, I don’t call her a whore for being lazy or for being plagued with unhinged anxiety. So…

    Ace, what behavior might you be doing that is triggering your husband to say those things about you? I’m serious. Go meekly and calmly ask him why he called you a whore, and what behavior of yours he feels is unfaithful to him. You mentioned that you were leaving him to go to church. Does he not want you going? find out and report back why he thinks this of you. I may be able to help you, if you can get me that information from him.

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  54. Sharkly – when he yelled those words at me this morning, it was because he had severe withdrawal symptoms, as he does every morning. The kids used to cop it first thing in the morning too, but after much discussion, he’s been directing all that anger at me. It’s normal – I’m used to it and can mostly tune it out. Once he’s been up for an hour, been out to his man-cave, had smokes etc. he comes right. I don’t do anything at all to trigger these outbursts – it’s what addiction does to him.

    He does want me to go to church and he makes sure the kids are ready and my car has petrol, gives me money for petrol if I need it. His daily outbursts make it difficult for me to prepare for church, but they’re not anything to do with church, if that makes sense. Once he’s had his “fix” he doesn’t call me names. Straight after he gets home from work he’s the same – verbal abuse – but usually it’s only until he’s gone out to his man-cave for half an hour or so. Of course if we’re arguing about something there is more of it, but that’s different. We haven’t been arguing lately – the verbal abuse now is pretty much only because he needs his fix.
    He doesn’t believe I am unfaithful – he wants to hurt me because he is hurting. This is what addiction does to people. It changes who they are, completely.

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  55. To add to my above comment: my mother was unfaithful to my father for many years. It disgusts me. Cheating on someone is one of the worst things we can do to a person. My husband knows how disgusted I am by such behaviour and he knows that accusing me of being unfaithful, or names to that effect, is hurtful. That’s why he chooses those words. He knows I am faithful to him; he’s told me many times he knows in his heart I will never cheat on him. But he wants me to hurt, just like he does, so he picks the words that do that.

    Please don’t misunderstand; my husband is a good man. An incredible man. Once he’s had his fix he is a good husband. But addictions are awful.

    And no, I am no longer in a place where I fear for my life at my husband’s hands. He hurts me with words, now. Not violence.
    I think I understand a bit better what you mean by that post, now.

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  56. Ace,

    “I am living with my husband, who has different issues than your wife, but who, at times, has been no less difficult to live with. The better times now do not entirely negate the very long years of extreme difficulty.”

    “Here is an example of a morning:
    Wife up and about getting kids ready for school.
    Husband calls her into the bedroom: Get me a f***ing coffee you f*****g b*tch, my head f****g hurts.
    Wife obediently makes coffee and brings it into the bedroom, very careful to not show any attitude or rebellion, but consciously choosing to be kind and sweet and patient
    Husband: f****g whore (in a really nasty tone)

    Half an hour later, after the husband has had a few cigarettes, his entire mood changes.”

    Although your husbands sins are forgiven it is obvious that his past of addiction, and past rebellion has harmed you, your marriage, and your children.

    Roughly a week ago you were commenting that, “just find a man that loves Jesus, his past does not matter.”

    Are you willing to know admit publicly that a person, even a Christian person’s, past matters and that your previous advice was shallow, vague, and foolish?

    Liked by 1 person

  57. Bee – I don’t think you’re aware of my story or you wouldn’t even ask that question. There have been several times in our nearly 18 years together when my husband has turned back to God, completely. 100% given his heart to Him and is a totally different man. He once beat his addictions completely, for more than 4 years. It was his mother that hurt him so deeply that he turned back to them.

    If you want a partner with no history, causing baggage etc then sure, choose a man with a squeaky clean past. I’ve said somewhere on here a few days ago that my marriage would have been easier if I hadn’t married the “bad boy” I fell for.
    But if you want to see the incredible miracle of the redeeming power of Jesus lived out repeatedly then there’s no better way to get that than to marry someone with struggles and stand beside them as they choose to give themselves to the Lord and witness the amazing transformation in their lives.

    Honestly, it’s impossible to know what the future holds. I know plenty of women who married squeaky-clean virgin men who turned away from Jesus later and made family life hell. Nothing is guaranteed. Loving Jesus today is no guarantee of loving Him tomorrow.

    Probably the mistake I made was marrying a man who was drifting away from the Lord rather than a man who was clinging tightly.
    The reason I am so firm in my stance is because my father had history before he married my mother. Tattoos, illegitimate adopted out son…. the works. But when he came back to Jesus he did it properly and has remained faithful ever since, even though my mother cheated and they split up and he has health problems.
    I should have clarified more what I meant by “loving Jesus”.

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  58. It was a simple question, a “Yes” or “No” would have been a better answer.

    My hope is that young women and men read your comments, and do the opposite from what you did in picking a spouse.

    Liked by 1 person

  59. But that’s the thing Bee – I don’t think there is a simple yes or no answer.
    I’m the first to admit I didn’t pick wisely. I married a bad boy with a motorbike and a lot of baggage. He was raised with the same beliefs as me, and ultimately they’re the beliefs we’re raising our children with. I’m not entirely sure why he chooses to let go of the Lord on a fairly regular basis. He’s tried to explain it to me but as I have no experience with addiction, it’s not something I understand and I just don’t get what’s so hard about clinging tighter to Jesus when the going gets tough.

    But that’s not what you asked me. You asked me if I would recant my statement that if someone loves Jesus that their history doesn’t matter, and I can’t do that because my father (and plenty of other men) have history. My father was an alcoholic. He was drunk all the time. But when he turned his back on it, he did it once and he did it properly. There are countless men like that. If a woman can find a good man who truly loves and follows Jesus, even if he has a past that is now buried and gone, they can be happy.
    The mistake I made was not waiting long enough to make sure my hubby’s past was well and truly buried. We got together at Xmas (I was 19) we were married in April (I had just turned 20 two months before).

    I’ve already tried to explain what is so attractive about bad boys. But I wouldn’t necessarily recommend them as marriage material.

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  60. Hey Ame, thanks for writing about contentment. I think however it might be better with more of your personal testimony and journey, and less of you trying to explain a scripture. I don’t agree with the definition of “autarkés” in the “HELPS Word-studies” that the contentment comes only from God. In the “Thayer’s Greek Lexicon”, the word for contentment means: contented with one’s lot, with one’s means, though the slenderest. https://biblehub.com/greek/842.htm

    (autárkēs) comes from autos (“self”) and arkein (“sufficient”) meaning “self”-sufficiency. The “self” is a key part of the origin of this contentedness. I really think this is something The Apostle Paul “learned” to choose himself, with God’s help, not something God just gave him over time and through experiences. It wasn’t a gift, it was a learning process. He learned to do it. He chooses to do it.

    Philippians 4:11 I don’t say this out of need, for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am. 12 I know both how to have a little, and I know how to have a lot. In any and all circumstances I have learned the secret of being content—whether well fed or hungry, whether in abundance or in need.

    I don’t think this kind of contentment is entirely God-produced. I think the individual is very active in constantly choosing contentment as they learned to do, it is not a passive gift that you wait and pray for, although you might pray for help in learning to choose to be contented. In the two verses above Paul uses the word “I” six times and mentions God zero times. I really think contentment is largely a choice that it is up to the individual to learn to be able to choose to be content in every sort of circumstance by trusting that God is working every circumstance for your good. If you aren’t content, it isn’t God’s fault, but your choice.

    Liked by 3 people

  61. i think we essentially agree, but i do not believe this kind of contentment is something we can do ourselves. do we need to work at it? yes, i believe we do … even Casey said she is ‘struggling in prayer’ if i remember correctly … reminds me of Jacob wrestling with God, and i think that is a very, very good thing (and an amazing thing that God would care to do so with us!).

    but, even with our effort, it is God who gives it to us. that kind of deep, internal contentment is, i believe, from God. and often we have to wait longer for it than we’d like. yet, like salvation, we do have to choose to receive it.

    otoh, if one is just flippant, not really caring, and snaps at God that He must give it to them or else, that is neither an attitude of submission towards God nor towards becoming who He designed that person to be and become. so one must desire to honor God to receive certain things from Him … like contentment … like the fruit of the Spirit – love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. if one is not willing to submit their heart and desires and spirit to God, then they will never become like Him, regardless of all their ‘good works.’

    in the end, true, soul-deep contentment is not something we can take credit for. it is from God. it is even God who gives us the ability to choose Him and to desire Him – He gives it to all who seek Him and who want Him, but He doesn’t force it on us.

    i can honestly say that any and all true, soul-deep, contentment i have experienced has all been from God; none of it has been anything that i could have simply *willed* myself to have. i had to be open and willing and responsive to God, but i could not be content on my own. also, it has often been a real struggle to get to that point. it was a place i wanted to get to, but it was work, prayer, struggle … almost like a real reward for doing the hard stuff … but even the hard stuff God had to enable me to do. i know it sounds like a circle, and that’s how it feels sometimes … but i just know that i could not be or do anything without God.

    I think however it might be better with more of your personal testimony and journey, and less of you trying to explain a scripture.

    i hesitate some with this b/c i do not want people to think of me as the standard. God is the standard. the Bible is the standard. i am an example of how God has worked in a life, but i never want anyone to *follow* me … i want them to follow Jesus. if people hold onto my experiences, they will likely fail them at some point. but if they hold onto Jesus, if they hold onto what the Bible says … that will stand tests and time.

    however, our stories are important, and the Bible even says that God will use what we’ve gone thru to help others. i think our experiences bridge us with other people, and on that bridge we can then point them to Jesus.

    another caution i have about only sharing thru my story(ies) is that it is impossible to give the whole picture. so i really and truly hope that anything i write God is able to take and filter when others read it so they only see and hear what He wants them to see and hear.

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