Women’s Work – Easy enough for a woman to do!

Women's Work

So, today, I, a man, singlehandedly rustled up a tasty Thanksgiving dinner, cleaned and managed the house, and kept two tween-age boys happy and helping.  While also managing to sleep in late, enjoy my coffee ritual, have some “me time”, and write this post mocking overentitled women, and I still have a lot of day left to enjoy with my boys.   I don’t feel oppressed by the patriarchy, and, in fact, I wish I could do it all over again tomorrow, except not eat so much.   I guess I fail to understand what would make this all so unbearable?

Perhaps my powerful hands and perfect “falling off the bone” cooking, made deboning the turkey easier, and perhaps my steady disposition meant I didn’t spend any part of my day wallowing in a bad mood, but really, this was a day off of work for me, and it truly felt like a wonderful vacation just puttering about the house doing all the week’s cleaning and preparing a small feast.    LOL   Women!

81 thoughts on “Women’s Work – Easy enough for a woman to do!

  1. Love the artwork!

    She works every weekend and does a 12 hour shift one day during the week. Her mother keeps an immaculate home, but somehow never taught her daughter one thing about keeping house. I work full-time but still do 95% of the cleaning/laundry and 90% of the cooking, and all the maintenance indoor and out. Oh, and all the yard work. Still have time to work-out 6 days a week, coach my kids teams, and tinker with my hobbies.

    Wahmen, making up stuff to complain about since forever.

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  2. Welcome Kentucky Headhunter,
    At one point early on in my marriage I remember my wife was claiming I didn’t love her because I wouldn’t do half of the laundry and dishes. I felt she should do them, and that she was trying to emasculate me by making me do women’s work. She actually drug me to a pastor to counsel us about it. After she explained the situation, the really old pastor said to her: “So let me get this straight, you don’t have any kids yet, you don’t work outside the home, you don’t garden and you don’t do yardwork, your brand new home doesn’t need maintenance, you claim your husband works away from home at his business 10-14 hours a day, and in that time you can’t do two people’s dishes and two people’s laundry? What on earth do you do all day?” He was the only pastor we ever went to who actually helped. He also told her, again, like every other pastor, to knock off her online affairs. My wife was speechless and wouldn’t explain what she did all day. He then went on to explain how his own mother had singlehandedly raised six kids without any help and always greeted his father when he came home from work by bringing him his slippers and the newspaper, and that she was determined that no matter how badly they treated him at the factory, she was going to treat him like a king when he got home. Anyhow, that was apparently exactly what my wife needed. After that pastor berated her, I was back to being a loving husband, at least for a while, in her deluded mind.

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  3. Sharkly – Not defending your wife here, because she was definitely in the wrong, but do you feel emasculated by having to do “women’s work” now? Or is it only emasculating when there is a woman there to do it for you?
    I’m not sure I get the difference in the post you’ve just written, in which you seem quite proud of how easy “women’s work” is to do, and how you feel emasculated by having to help your wife do “women’s work”.
    I mean, bachelor’s don’t have a choice. They can either live in a tip, or clean up after themselves. Or hire a housekeeper I guess, if they want to waste their money on that. What makes it different when you have a wife? Why do you just get on with it in one situation but feel emasculated in the other?

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  4. Ace,
    I think men may get this intuitively, but, I assigned my wife those two womanly domestic tasks. I wasn’t asking a lot of her. She chose to try to usurp my role and assign them back to me. It was a role reversal where she was then giving the orders and I was being expected to engage in feminine tasks that she knew I felt were inappropriate to be mine, intentionally by her control.

    Since this isn’t a female safe space. I’ll compare it to rape. You probably enjoy sex with your middle aged husband, even though he is not as attractive as he once was, and you probably even like it sometimes when he takes you frantically and powerfully, “like an animal”. Now imagine, if you had married some other man, and your current husband, whom you had never met before, powerfully took you and had sex with you in spite of your complete objection. The exact same situation would no longer be one you enjoyed, but a rape, and you’d complain of emotional scarring for years to come. That is how it is when my wife orders me to do women’s work. While on my own I might be able to enjoy doing the task, because of the evil way it is wrongly forced upon me, by a woman, it becomes an emasculation.

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  5. Okay, that makes sense. I mean, I’m sure men aren’t such sensitive snowflakes that taking on the feminine role actually affects them as badly as a terrible violation such as rape, but I do get the point you are trying to make.

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  6. Sharkley – this was excellent:
    Since this isn’t a female safe space. I’ll compare it to rape. You probably enjoy sex with your middle aged husband, even though he is not as attractive as he once was, and you probably even like it sometimes when he takes you frantically and powerfully, “like an animal”. Now imagine, if you had married some other man, and your current husband, whom you had never met before, powerfully took you and had sex with you in spite of your complete objection. The exact same situation would no longer be one you enjoyed, but a rape, and you’d complain of emotional scarring for years to come. That is how it is when my wife orders me to do women’s work. While on my own I might be able to enjoy doing the task, because of the evil way it is wrongly forced upon me, by a woman, it becomes an emasculation.

    – – –

    Ace said: Okay, that makes sense. I mean, I’m sure men aren’t such sensitive snowflakes that taking on the feminine role actually affects them as badly as a terrible violation such as rape, but I do get the point you are trying to make.

    your premise is that rape affects a woman more severely than how women emasculating men affects men.

    i’m not sure i agree with that based on all the men i know who have had women do these kinds of terrible, mental and emotional, things to them.

    why is it that what a woman experiences is so much more tragic than anything a man experiences? because they don’t express the pain the same? b/c they’re not out there whining about it like women do?

    we do not have to understand something, personally, to accept it as truth.

    i believe that these things that women do to men affect them just as severely as rape does to women. it looks different, it presents differently, but the internal wounds and pain are just as severe and life-altering and long-lasting.

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  7. Ame – I don’t think that everything a woman experiences is worse than anything a man can experience. How on earth did you read that into my comment?
    But I just asked my husband, who has been broken, abused and rejected repeatedly by both his birth mother and his adoptive mother and he is insulted by your comment. He said that men are far tougher than that and can handle anything women throw at them and it is insulting to suggest a woman can traumatise a man by emasculating them as much as a woman would be traumatised by rape. He said that is giving women power they don’t have. He asked if you are a crazy feminist, thinking so little of men, that you think they can be wounded so deeply by sinful women.

    So I don’t know if all men share my husband’s take on it or not, but that is his opinion. And I’ve never been raped, but I know women who have, and they are deeply traumatised. One friend suffers PTSD so extreme she can’t even be alone at all, ever.

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  8. Oh for crying out loud, emasculating a man is as traumatizing as rape? If a woman emasculated you, you have ALLOWED it to happen. I don’t think the woman overpowered the man and forced the emasculation on him. True rape is a physical and emotional violation and a crime. If you don’t like being emasculated, put a stop to it. Seriously, what an absurd comparison. Certainly being emasculated is a serious problem but hardly the same as rape and again, the man allows it to happen.

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  9. Actually, Sharkly, don’t publish my comment, please. It will just start a pissing contest.

    [Actually I mostly agree with you, CAL, however I(Sharkly) might need to clarify. The rape comparison was only to illustrate how something enjoyable like sex, can also be a horrible violation when wrongly appropriated. However I disagree about all men’s emasculation being “allowed”. In a Feminist society the emasculation of men is empowered via governmental force, like via the “family courts” decreed from behind a bailiff’s gun, and gradually to boys in school, too young to defend themselves from it.]

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  10. Ame,
    Thanks for trying to stick up for us men, but perhaps I’ll need to clarify a little more since the concept of the damage of situational emasculation seems more foreign to women than I realized.
    In the situation I described, I don’t really think it was about a few dishes or a few loads of laundry. She doesn’t even like it when I do the laundry.(I’m always wrong) My wife was basically saying that she would wear the pants in the family and to prove it she was going to make me wear the apron. I took offense at her usurpation and refused to participate, or fall into her frame. So she escalated the situation by taking me to “get help” for my insubordination. But that time, as luck would have it, we got referred to a minister who shocked her by taking her husband’s side. I’m still shocked to this day that there was a minister out there who did right in that instance. None have since then.

    My wife was basically trying to steal my headship role in the family and make me into her domestic helper. While that is quite offensive, she has been so offensive my entire marriage, that I’m pretty used to her evil. It has been far more hurtful to me how she taunts me that she bowed herself down and willingly sucked other guys penises out of respect, but that she says she will never do that for me, because she will never respect her husband in that way.(It quite literally is a demonic taunt to tempt me to do evil against God) She started that on our honeymoon. She lied before she married me crying and claiming she wished she had saved all that for me. Like Hosea, it hurts to be married to an unrepentant whore. I guess I’m learning how God feels regarding us. She was a completely different person, COMPLETELY DIFFERENT, when I was dating and engaged to her. Anyhow, while she was violating me by trying to reverse our gender roles, it was a mental/emotional violation designed to prevent intimacy, it isn’t the same as a physical sexual violation. Rest assured, she will burn for eternity in hell if she does not repent of her wickedness, but it still is not the same as a rape which is a Mental/Emotional violation, a physical sexual violation, and forms an unclean spiritual union, all combined. Yes, men are mentally and emotionally tougher than women. So no, I don’t attend a support group.
    Sharkly: Hi! I’m Sharkly, and I have dishpan hands.
    Support group in unison: Hi, Sharkly.

    My marriage has been the greatest challenge of my life, that I am passing, to be like Christ and give up my life for someone undeserving. I saved myself unsoiled for 32 years for her, respecting her in that way from before I ever knew her, and I forgave her of her own whoring and disregard for her future husband, only to then be sexually withheld from and taunted about how she freely gave herself to many others in ways she refuses to ever give herself to me. She has badmouthed me, behind my back, from the start of our marriage. Dragging my name through the mud. She fights all my projects and tries to rouse up others to keep me from accomplishing whatever I purpose in life. I have become a man of derision to the world and the churchians who are of it, they don’t lift a finger to help me, or even my sons, to keep our family together. Every day I pick up that heavy cross and bear it a little farther up a steep, winding, and lonely way with few upon it. I try to warn others of the judgement to come. Very few will listen and be warned. They all want to find an easy path, not like the one I’m on. I wish my path was easier too, but in faith I will take it to its end. So fill up my cup of insults, I’ll drink it for Christ’s name sake. array yourselves against me, I fear none but God. Advise me of the easier way, I already chose to leave that path. I am of Christ’s church and the gates of hell will not prevail against me. Though I die, yet shall I be raised incorruptible.

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  11. Your wife reminds me very much of my mother in law. The difference being, my father in law has chosen to bow down and accept his wife’s control.
    She hates our youngest son and has nothing to do with us anymore (long story) but she has forbidden my FIL from having contact with us too. My FIL is very close to our eldest son and he has to ring when the MIL isn’t home or he gets in trouble. She controls their (separate) finances and their house is in her name.
    I don’t know if she has intimacy Anorexia, but they’ve had separate bedrooms forever. It truly is sad to see a woman do this to a man.

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  12. well … always interesting when a comment, that i thought was seemingly benign, turns out not to be. obviously, i did not communicate well.

    men hurt. they experience it differently, they respond to it differently. but they still hurt. tell me a man whose wife has left him doesn’t hurt. tell me a man who was abused as a boy doesn’t hurt. tell me a man whose child has been taken away from him doesn’t hurt. tell me a man whose child has died doesn’t hurt. tell me a man who’s lost his child thru abortion doesn’t hurt. tell me a man who lost his buddy in war doesn’t hurt. tell me a man who was raped doesn’t hurt. i won’t believe it b/c i know too many of these men, alpha men, who have experienced these exact things … and they hurt. deeply.

    pain does not equal weakness. pain does not emasculate men. pain does not make men weaker than women. admitting pain does not make a man weak.

    also … i think it’s pointless to compare pain, which is the other point i was trying to make. we women like to make *our* pain greater than any man’s pain because ____. and it’s pointless. pain is pain. to take value away from another person’s pain is demeaning.

    Sharkley – i wasn’t sticking up for men so much as simply sticking up for people. i get your story; mine is similar … as i shared when i replied to your comment at SS (don’t know if you’ve had a chance to read it or not). and, Ace, i’ve experienced similar to that of what your husband has. but that’s not the point. the point is that one person’s *hard* is not greater or ‘better’ than another’s, and imo i think it’s wrong to say that what any given woman has gone through is *worse* than what any given man has gone through simply b/c they’re a woman … b/c it’s not about gender, or the ‘thing,’ … it’s about that individual person.

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  13. Ame,
    Yes, I did see your advice. But unfortunately either way I’m pretty screwed in divorce court. My wife works part time for our boys’ public school system and they all love her and have previously conspired to hide stuff from me. Her intimacy anorexia only affects those closest to her. And I’m not the type to spend my life figuring out how to record everything. I’d have been a millionaire many times over if I had recorded some of my business conversations in the past. And I did get to be a multimillionaire for quite a while, on paper, even without doing that. Furthermore I’m not going to get anything close to justice from the cunt-court anyhow. It doesn’t matter if I have a photo of her trying to sacrifice our sons to Satan, I’m still going to get shafted, and so I’m prepared to endure it. The system is rigged against me, I don’t win in any scenario within that system. I’ll appeal to the King of Kings. I know him. If I loose everything I’ll start completely over without her. I’ll be able to excel. I’m praying for a miracle, that this cup might pass from me and my sons, but I’m prepared to suffer, because I’m trying to love like Christ, and He suffered unto death. I’ll overcome by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of my testimony.
    Matthew 19:29 And everyone that hath forsaken houses or brethren or sisters or father or mother or wife or children or lands, for My name’s sake, shall receive a hundredfold and shall inherit everlasting life.
    They can’t snatch my soul, so I’m good!

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  14. I’m so sorry. I went through the same thing. He was brilliant and had a brilliant legal mind, and I made the mistake of trusting him. Before he died he had all of his assets beneficiaried to his parents and brother; his girls got nothing.

    Anyway, I understand a lot of which you write and are experiencing.

    Even if she doesn’t comply it might be good to see if you can get some of these things in your final decree.

    However, the comment I was referring to was when I shared more of my story in response to your questions posed to me.

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  15. Sharkley – they’re in L’s part 2 post, both written on dec 2. (the one w/your question and my answer). i’ll just leave them over there. i’m careful where i post some things, and i trust those guys to protect me.

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  16. … i had absolutely no family support, and the church turned on us …

    Same here! Yes, I had seen your comments, Ame. I reread them again also. I wish there was a way to acknowledge comments, without “liking” them. After you tell about all the horrible stuff that happened to you and your children, it would seem wrong to “like” that, as though I was some sort of sadist who enjoyed the pain and violation of others.

    Although I’m sure you have your reasons, some of your telling of what happened is still pretty cryptic. Unfortunately for you, my wife has already blown my trust in women’s cryptic statements. She uses them against me constantly. She will allude to something cryptically and leave people to let their minds wander and assume the worst, when she is actually being cryptic because there was really little or no offense to speak of. She was once posting and e-mailing people that “I can’t believe my husband used our son’s name and the word ‘stupid’ in the same sentence”. Leading some people to assume that I had called my son stupid in such a bad way that she didn’t even want to repeat it. When in fact, I wasn’t calling my son stupid, but I was in fact strongly trying to discourage him from doing something by calling it stupid, and she was just using that to slander me. Then I caught her telling people that our son had begun to call himself stupid because of me using his name and the word stupid in the same sentence. I said I didn’t believe it, and so when he got home, we both asked him, and he said he was calling himself stupid because a bunch of the kids at school had been calling him stupid. Then she asked him again if, “aren’t you sure it wasn’t because daddy called you stupid”, and he looked at her funny and says, “Dad has never called me stupid”. She literally was trying to gaslight her own intimacy-destroying slanderous delusion into his mind, against his father. Anyhow, that is just one example, but when my wife speaks cryptically it is because the truth is really a nothing-burger. I suspect that isn’t your case, but just be advised that my wife has already ruined that approach for all women with me. If you can’t really share what happened, I’m not going to assume bad things against a man based upon the riddles of a woman. Unfortunately I’m usually going to assume it is an attempt at deceptive slander. Sorry, one crazy deceptive female ruins it for everybody!

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  17. i get it. and that’s the conundrum out here, isn’t it. what to believe; what not to believe; what to infer; what not to infer.

    and trust must be earned. i’ve been around the men and women at SS for a long time, so they trust and respect me. i’ve even got to know some of them offline, which is pretty cool. but i do not expect blanket trust, so i totally understand.

    also … opening all this back up is, well, it’s hard for me to live thru it again – i had debated quite a bit whether to even reply to your question. however, if it helps someone else, i’ll do it. i’m not sure a public forum is the best place, though. privately would be okay, but we’d have to have a third person involved for propriety’s sake, b/c the stuff back there is not appropriate otherwise.

    it has been suggested by many, including my therapist all those years ago, that i should write a book about my ‘story,’ however, doing so has the great potential to inadvertently hurt my daughters, and i will not intentionally hurt my daughters. and as despicable as they have been, it would also hurt my ex-in-laws, and i refuse to do that. however, i have been glad to privately share parts of my story with others when God has directed me to.

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  18. the process was very looong … but when i was in therapy years ago, my therapist said to me, “Ame, he was only one man, not all men.”

    perhaps, someday, you will be able to realize the same … your wife is one woman, not all women.

    and while there ARE many narcissistic, certifiable, evil people in the world, not all people are. there are still many good people out there.

    it’s helped me a ton to spend time at places like SS. Ton, BV, and many others, have been a healing balm to my deeply wounded soul.

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  19. Ame – I do not know your story,(I do not read other blogs so have not come across you before) however, it was suggested to me, also, to write a book about my story. I did, and it was immensely healing for me. It is not a book that will ever be available for public consumption – it is handwritten in a journal and it was written solely for the healing that it provided. It took a long time to write, nearly a full year, but the process was very cathartic.An abusive marriage creates an extraordinary amount of baggage and it is very hard to heal from.
    My children have not read it, and I’m not sure that I would ever want them to, even though they played quite a big part in it. One day, I will most likely burn it, as it was written solely for healing, to get it all out of my system and allow me to move on, and it worked well.
    So if you ever do decide to write down your story, even if it is just as a “release” of sorts, I can highly recommend it as a tool for healing.

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  20. CAL bleated:

    “If you don’t like being emasculated, put a stop to it.”

    Conveniently ignoring the legions of cops, courts, and government agencies arrayed and armed, just WAITING for the next sucker to ‘put a stop to it’ so they can march him off in cuffs (in front of some smug woman) and justify their inflated salaries.

    CAL could only be a woman or a cuckservative, heavy on the cuck. I’m betting on the latter.

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  21. I’ve quietly and respectfully accepted my role in marriage, but it can be repetitive and boring. Cook, clean, sex. Wash, rinse, repeat.

    Husband allows me to work in a fitness setting part time to buy silly yoga pants to wear for him because visual-stimulation-something-something. Struggling in prayer to be content with life as it is contributing what I consider very little to our family and to the world.

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  22. Maybe Sharkly should consider an all-female ban. I don’t mind being banned, and it could help him (and the other men here) have some peace LOL (seriously though)!

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  23. Casey,
    I believe you. I believe that much of what you do is repetitive and boring.

    I have changed careers several times in my decades of work and yet most of the jobs I have had have had large chunks that were boring and repetitive. Chances are very good that your husband finds much of his work day boring and repetitive.

    At our house, I cut the lawn every weekend, and sweep up the clippings; same old, same old every weekend. But, someone has to do it

    Where is the meaning in boring tasks?
    1. God has created you to be a helper to your husband. (Genesis 2)
    2. God will reward you for your works of serving others (Hebrews 6:10-12)
    3. There are only 2 ways to grow God’s Kingdom on this Earth; to raise children in the faith, and to win unbelievers. Having 3 children is replacing yourself and your husband, having 4 or more children can grow God’s Kingdom.
    4. Practice communing with God while doing boring tasks (example of Brother Lawrence)

    I hope this comment is helpful for you. Blessings to you.

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  24. Bee, I think Sharkly’s being trolled. He comments at Lori’s which means he’s attracting the worst sort of trollish feminist women who come from an online community called free jinger, who regularly troll blogs like this with things that Casey says. They literally devote hours to making comments exactly like hers, in order to make the real wives look either idiotic and pathetic or as if patriarchal husbands are less than ideal.

    If she’s real, and I highly doubt it, I wonder at how she can’t realize that most jobs in life have boring parts? Adults realize this, and if she’s Christian, she’s just finding an outlet here to whine and complain in. Please don’t encourage it, it’s embarrassing to me as a Christian women to have her portray our roll as if we’re robots. Lots of life is doing what’s necessary, especially when you realize it’s not all about you. The fake women who troll like this want us to focus on it looking bad, they want patriarchy described exactly like how she’s describing it, when it’s so much more. They also are usually devoid of the joy that comes in serving and finding immense purpose because they have no understanding.

    But if she’s real, why run down (slander) her husband like this to us? I didn’t realize this was a place where other women’s husbands we’re degraded by their own wives with so much freedom, I know that Sharkly doesn’t support that. But if he comments where he says he does I can guarantee you some of these women are coming over from there to troll him. And they’ll make up anything in order to destroy how people see patriarchy and a wife’s roles, you won’t find them honoring it, or honoring their role as a wife but degrading it.

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  25. Stephanie,

    Casey has made earlier comments here that seemed sincere. Based on those comments I thought this one was genuine.

    But, thanks for your thoughts and warning, I could be wrong about her comments.

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  26. Thanks for the tip Stephanie. I’ll keep an eye on things. I guess everybody has their hobbies. At the moment trolls are welcome, if they behave themselves. It would kind of be a boost for my ego if I actually got a following of some dedicated trolls. LOL

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  27. These are not benign people in my opinion though, with all due respect Sharkly. I’ve dealt with them before… and seen how in the past they tried to get Lori’s husband fired from his job, harassed her adult children and grandchildren, orchestrated a massive attack on her first book by writing fake 1 star reviews (that other people were none the wiser about unless you were following what they talk about at that evil site). Her publisher had never seen anything like it and was not happy (and very worried about sales). And that’s just the things they did to one person (Lori), that community has actually gone after the kids of us bloggers, trying to get them to commit suicide. To me, their basically people Satan uses, and they attack patriarchal Christians viciously… so being cautious to protect your space (and your commenters) is wise.

    Just from today, from me commenting here (I’m guessing) my stats have dramatically spiked. That’s not normal, usually my blog is nice and quiet. Not sure if it’s from Ace (it says from mostly hits from Australia) or what but I’d prefer not to be on their radar as of right now, at the very least to protect my husband and his job, so I’ll probably stay away.

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  28. Stephanie – Nope your hits aren’t from me. I’m from New Zealand. I know many Americans think we’re part of Aussie but I assure you, we’re not 😉
    After reading your post I googled free Jinger. Wow! When I have more time I’m going to delve into that a bit deeper but wow… That’s about all I can say on that right now. From a psychology perspective it’s interesting. Pretty scary if they’re harassing people, though. Here, that’s illegal. We have cyber bullying laws that are pretty tough.
    The very little of it that I read (literally 5 minutes of skimming) the people seemed okay.

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  29. Bee-thank you for your reply. Much appreciated.

    I am sincere. It’s difficult to convey through writing. My husband has an interesting job where he travels the world quite frequently with the US Olympics team as a trainer. Fitness is incredibly important to him and I dedicate myself to a tough training regimen & strict nutrition plan to maintain his high physical standards. Obviously all jobs, and life in general, have mundane and boring aspects to them, whether in an exciting career or in the home. One can simultaneously be joyful and grateful but sometimes bored.

    Stephanie- I’m from the US. I wasn’t insinuating what you assumed I was about regarding Christian women as robots, hating “the patriarchy”, or slandering my husband in any way. I’m not sure how a simple comment came across as trolling.

    I’m not sure who Lori is or what her blog is. I have no interest in ruining husbands’ careers (do people actually do this online? If so, that’s disgusting and immature.)

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  30. It’s hard to tell online if someone is sincere, still… I’d never portray my husband so one dimensional with a single short comment declaring I’m bored with my life. Hopefully you can see how that looks and reflects on you (and him).

    There was a wife who used to comment at Dalrocks who would say stuff like that. One time I think she let us all know she shot a gun MUCH better than he did. I’m sure she never understood what that looked like either

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  31. “One can simultaneously be joyful and grateful but sometimes bored ”

    Yes, but going online to vent to another man not your husband, that you’re bored (and unfulfilled) with your life doesn’t look good.

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  32. I didn’t realize that a simple comment is considered venting and subsequently portraying my husband as “one dimensional”. I am confused as to why this comment apparently reflects poorly on him.

    I was simply stating that daily tasks that are seemingly relaxing on a day off (a cup of coffee, “me time” cooking a satisfying meal) are repetitive if it’s whats experienced day after day. I meant no harm towards men in general, my husband, or Christian women.

    I don’t know who Dalrocks is, either.

    I appreciate the conversation.

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  33. LOL Ok, let’s rehash what you *actually* said again (last comment Sharkly, I promise, then I’ll go away 😀 ) –

    “I’ve quietly and respectfully accepted my role in marriage, but it can be repetitive and boring. Cook, clean, sex. Wash, rinse, repeat.

    “Husband allows me to work in a fitness setting part time to buy silly yoga pants to wear for him because visual-stimulation-something-something. Struggling in prayer to be content with life as it is contributing what I consider very little to our family and to the world.”

    ^Ok… you sound a little defeated here about your life just reading that first sentence. You’ve, “resigned,” yourself to a repetitive and boring life LOL… there’s nothing in that sentiment you’re expressing that sounds even remotely joyful and fulfilling for you. Even the whole, “I’ve quietly and respectfully accepted this is it,” kind of sentiment sounds incredibly depressing, like you have no purpose. So you’re portraying your life as unfulfilling to you, and boring.

    Next you tell us you’re struggling… struggling in prayer to God to be content with your life as it is. Because you’re so bored and unhappy (no joy and gratefulness… no purpose) that you can’t find any contentment. Contentment means having a certain kind of happiness and fulfillment in what you have in life. It takes gratitude to feel content. So you’re telling us, in a round about way, that you’re struggling to find happiness and gratitude for and about your life.

    You even say verbatim that you believe you contribute little to this world. I wanted to suggest having children may help you there, but in reality, I know LOTS of women who felt your way before kids… having kids only made them even unhappier. Kids are HARD, adding them to a life that has no meaning, no contentment or happiness, probably won’t help you. The moms I know who were like you before kids, instead of complaining about their, “boredom,” they’re all now complaining about the, “drudgery,” of looking after little kids and a husband. It’s the whole reason why the feminists created the, “Problem with No Name,” it was a lack of contentment in their role as a wife and mother that was their problem and boring existence in life. These are not happy and joyful women by any means, and their kids suffer because of their mom’s attitude about life in general. In other words, get help before y’all have kids. You don’t want to bring kids into a life where you’re so obviously discontent and unhappy and bored. YOU will be their inspiration as their mom, their source of joy and creativity, but you have to work on yourself (stop being a boring woman) before that’s possible. You can’t have kids and then use them to entertain you or make you happy. You exist to give them a happy childhood, full of love and joyful memories YOU will work to create FOR them, not the other way around.

    Contentment is working to find joy in whatever circumstances you are in, with God’s help, like Paul. Honestly, I was content even when we were dirt poor, and could barely afford food and toilet paper… not because I had a lot of important things to do, but because it really hit me hard how grateful I was to have anything at all. It was a completely different perspective that has thankfully stayed with me throughout adulthood for over 10 years now.

    Not saying it’s always possible with our human hearts to feel content when tragedy hits obviously, but honestly 😀 cooking, cleaning and sex are NOT and do not have to be, boring and repetitive things. I find soooo much joy in cooking – it’s an adventure and a creative outlet. And I find lots of joy in cleaning (I may be weird), but it’s because the house just looks so beautiful and organized and is a more happy, pleasant place to live. My kids see this joy and contentment daily, and they’re learning hopefully to implement that in their adult lives by watching my example.

    And sex with my husband… I just would never claim it was part of a repetitive and boring routine! You can, and hopefully will, find a lot of joy and contentment even in that someday. Having sex everyday absolutely does not have to be repetitive and boring, unless the person engaging in it is repetitve and boring… in which case, you’re either saying that about yourself or about him – both of which doesn’t look good.

    I mean lady, you basically just told ALL of us that having sex with your husband is repetitive and boring. I feel kind of sorry for him that you feel that way about your life and about sex with him.

    Hopefully you can go to someone older in real life and tell them your problem (and hopefully they’re not a feminist who agrees with you that you just have to accept and resign yourself to a boring and repetitive existence). Ultimately though, only YOU can change how you see your life. Only YOU can make it fun, creative, inspiring and worthy of contentment.

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  34. Stephanie – i see your pov. but i did not read Casey’s comment the same way.

    Bee – loved your comment! hope you are doing well.

    Casey – sometimes life does get mundane. That’s neither good nor bad; it just is. I think that, sometimes, that can be a sort of calm before the storm … or a time of ‘uneventful’ calm preparing you for an eventful season coming your way. I remember going thru a season like that, once, and it seemed to last for.ev.er. once it was over, though, i never got it back 🙂

    Ace – i admire you. staying in there. it’s so hard. takes an enormous amount of physical and mental and emotional energy. battling the addiction while not enabling while honoring God while not enabling … harsh balance. i was married to my first husband for 20 years before he left us. nine years after that he suddenly died. as i’m sure you’ve been told … divorce is not an answer – it might not be an option, that’s different. but it’s not an ‘answer.’ it’s a hell that creates its own pandora’s box that never.ever.ends. even though he’s been gone some five plus years now. i try not to question my younger self, but i often wonder if there was something, anything else, i could have done, to keep him from leaving. there wasn’t. even my girls will tell me that, now that they’re older (22 and almost 20). divorce is just so cruel. where you are is hard, harsh, cruel. but divorce is worse.

    Sharkley – so sorry. my heart hurts for you and your kids.

    Ace – where Sharkley is right now, his brain needs to lump all women together so he can survive. one day, though, he will be able to separate it out. it will never be the same … ‘women’ have forever been tainted by his wife … but there will be healing, someday. it just takes a very long time.

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  35. Ace – i don’t remember which thread, but you mentioned writing a book for yourself. that’s incredible.

    i have lots of journals, tons of emails between my therapist and myself and others, and my blog. writing is a huge form of therapy.

    i’ve tried to read over them, but i can’t. it’s just too hard.

    i’ll keep them all, but i don’t think my daughters will be able to read them, either – it’s too hard on them, too, and they don’t think they can ever read them. perhaps my grandchildren if i ever have any. or someone else. someday i might be able to organize them all in one place and in chronological order. and someday maybe someone else will be able to write the book in such a way that no one is hurt. idk.

    but writing is super therapeutic for me, too 🙂

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  36. Ame – thank you so much! You have just encouraged me more than you can know, and I appreciate it immensely. It’s Sunday morning here in NZ and I’m trying to prepare my heart for church. Hearing “f***K off out of my house slag” yelled at me before he slams the door so hard it bounces back makes it incredibly difficult. So thank you.

    I do understand where Sharkly is coming from with women because I find myself often in the same place but with men. It is so difficult, Satan is so strong. Much stronger than me.

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  37. i’m sooo sorry. you’re in an extremely intense place that seemingly will never end.

    this may or may not be of encouragement to you: https://blendingame.wordpress.com/2019/11/22/the-wife-of-a-fool-part-3/

    yes, Satan is very strong and brilliant, but he is deceitful, too.

    God is always bigger and better and stronger, even when we’re dying inside and drowning and sinking into that deep, dark abyss where we’re lost and alone and no one even seems to know we’re there.

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  38. i wrote: divorce is just so cruel. where you are is hard, harsh, cruel. but divorce is worse.

    i should have written that divorce *can* be worse and equally as hard, harsh and cruel, as idk every situation, and that is presumptuous of me to assume i do.

    there are certainly *some* situations out there where, although divorce is its own hell, and although divorce IS hard, harsh and cruel, it’s better than before.

    i do write this cautiously b/c it should not be used as motivation to divorce. divorce is terrible, and it’s a never-ending terrible. but there are times when one must choose between two bad options … and keeping oneself and one’s children safe is one of those.

    divorce should never be seen as a ticket to find another husband/wife in life, but rather a path of protection, for God does not give us women, who are believers, the option to remarry another man if our first spouse is still alive.

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  39. Wow Stephanie,
    Your last two comments are filled with wisdom and correctness. I see that I might need to teach women a lesson on contentment. But you are probably even better suited to do it than I am. I’m learning to try to be content in some pretty humbling circumstances, where I too could imagine my life being squandered, if not for my faith in God working all things out for my eternal good. Furthermore, sometimes there are things women need to hear from another woman, because they will discount a man’s advice, just because they think he needs to be able to have had the exact same struggle to have a wise solution, or perhaps they’re just wanting some commiseration. Don’t let a few women in need of much help and guidance, frustrate you, although you’re not alone in that, as Swanny River has expressed the same frustration. Apparently I need to have a post written for women about contentment, and I think you would be a great person to write it. Or if you’d like to assign it to one of your other friends or get their assistance, that would work also.
    I’d hate to see you leave, Stephanie, as your comments are quite helpful and certainly add to the conversation. The love of Christ is shown most clearly when we deal with those who challenge, oppose, and contend with us, with patience, humility, and kindness.
    Anyhow, I also realize that you have limited time, and that you owe your husband and your children your best. And I realize that you are in a situation where at any point your husband could be killed in the line of duty, and so you should take every opportunity to enjoy him and be a blessing to him, so that there would be fewer regrets should that ever happen. Perhaps you would consider writing a post on female contentment, that we could both post on our blogs, or you could modify your last comment into a post. It doesn’t have to be long or scholarly, mainly just from a woman. LOL (Preferably a wise woman, like you seem about contentment)
    FWIW Ace said: “I can’t remember the name of the commenter on Lori’s blog who has helped me more than anything but it might be M. She has a beautiful spirit and it shines through so clearly in her comments.”
    I saw that too, and I also appreciate “Mother Dearest” and some others, and of course I really like a lot of the men’s “soul destroying” comments also. Those women might also be excellent ones to write about achieving contentment.

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  40. Ame – thank you! When I get time this afternoon I’m going to check out that link. It’s your blog, I assume? I’ll have a read.
    Your comments have been immensely helpful. Just to know that someone “gets it” – has been where I am, knows what it’s like, and has come out the other side.
    It’s actually much better now than it used to be. I won’t rehash it again here because I’ve already put lots about the worst years on here…. But just feeling like it will never end is what makes it hard. There’s progress, then backsliding…. and it’s so hard to not get despondent.

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  41. Sharkly – yes Mother Dearest is another lady with a beautiful spirit. Her comments are always filled with kindness, love and wisdom. I’m tempted to go back to Lori’s blog for those comments, but the mood I’m always in when I read Lori’s blog (very different to my mood when I come here) means the horrible comments break an already-broken woman even more and I just can’t do it. If you’ve ever battled with depression, you will understand what I mean.
    The reason I come here isn’t for encouragement, though. So finding it here is a bonus. I come here more for “sharpening the sword” if that makes sense.

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  42. Ace,
    No, I’ve never suffered from any clinical depression. In fact, my Psychological Evaluation said that I am ideally suited to handle stress and am not likely to catastrophize. When I’m stressed and down, my circumstances really are seriously bad and depressing. LOL
    In fact I’m often amazed at others people’s ability to panic. e.g. Stephanie tried to warn me about some satanic trolls doing horrible stuff to people, and I’m all like, “Bring it Trolls!” “I’m your Huckleberry!”

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  43. I definitely am not a Mother Theresa type, Sharkly 😂… I listen a lot to Dr Laura, and maybe that affects my delivery style. She tells people very matter of factly what their issue seems to be, and most appreciate the blunt honesty, even if it’s harsh. Granted I have pregnancy hormones, so that could be affecting me also. I love being around women like that personally, though, they’ve always inspired me to do better in an iron sharpens iron kind of way. My mom is a lot like that, but then she’s listened to Dr Laura, too, for probably close to 30 years. I have to credit both of them for giving me wisdom growing up, and their bluntness and humor is much appreciated.

    I think normalizing whiny or complaining behavior eventually leads to destruction of a person’s spiritual health. But as far as your suggestion goes though, maybe Ame would be better to write it, she has a lot more experience in general with life, and women like that seem to respond better to her approach of validating their feelings.

    The Peaceful Wife, sweet April, was a lot like that, too, though, and eventually she had to close down a private online group where a lot of women were helped, because just a few women like the ones mentioned took over and basically destroyed the place (it didn’t take many… maybe 4 out of 200). It was pretty shocking to see it all go down. She just didn’t want to come across as too harsh or unloving and always validated their feelings of abuse, etc. The problem is I think when women like that have license to vent etc it pollutes the atmosphere where it’s just a venting session, and no longer an opportunity for encouragement or spurring on to do better. I much prefer the latter 😉.

    The Bible is very clear in warning us against complaining/venting, almost mysteriously so. Venting has been shown to scientifically rewire the brain, so the Bible’s wisdom on it is paramount to our brain and mental health.

    Women are herd creatures that thrive off of each other/influence each other much more than men, so the herd can be hijacked and led off a cliff. In my example, we lost out because April wanted them to feel good and appeased them until she couldn’t anymore and closed it down mostly due to lack of time (they were running the show by the end). So I think knowing how to help them must be extremely tricky and time consuming (perhaps Ame knows how to better). I’ve come to accept that most like that will be offended anyway by Truth, unless they’re repeatedly appeased, and maybe some aren’t wanting help, which is why they exasperate an environment, because it’s never enough… Many don’t actually want help, they just enjoy venting. 🤷

    I think that’s why Lori flat out tells some women who claim, “but it’s not like that for me!” that their comments aren’t helpful, but only dilute her message. Perhaps therapy is a better place?

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  44. Sharkly – Depression, anxiety and OCD are comorbidities of Tourette’s. There’s no escaping them, for me. I admire people who can just carry on happy as, no matter what life throws at them. I very rarely actually panic, but the combo of anxiety and depression ramp up my tics.

    Stephanie – It’s good to see your admission that Ame has more life experience and better placed to give certain advice. Ignorant advice, no matter how well-meaning, can be harmful, if not downright dangerous. I think we all know this, but some don’t remember it when they should. Reminds me of some “helpful advice” (that really wasn’t) I was given when my 4th baby was 10 weeks old. A well-meaning but absolutely clueless childless lady told me that I shouldn’t be giving my baby a bottle of expressed breast milk because too much milk is bad for him and I should be giving him weetbix instead. Imagine it! Giving a high fibre wholegrain breakfast cereal (that tastes like cardboard) to a baby not yet eating solid food!
    She came from a place of kindness, genuinely wanting to help, but her total lack of experience meant her advice was incorrect at best, extremely dangerous at worst.

    The advice that has helped me the most has been delivered with compassion and empathy. It’s entirely possible to speak truth without compromising on kindness. One of my dearest friends who has sadly passed away from breast cancer a few years ago said it best: the difference in our delivery of the message is the difference between having knowledge of the spirit, and actually having the spirit of God in our hearts.

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  45. i will come back to some things later if i get a chance … but i do want to say that i know Stephanie personally, and she is an incredibly beautiful woman inside and out, and i am so grateful to call her my friend 🙂 .

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  46. i read the comments in my email … so don’t remember if it’s this thread or the other that Ace just commented about how his addiction affects his behavior and his words towards her. but i want to encourage you, Ace. i totally get and understand what’s going on. hang in there.

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  47. Thank you Ame! I appreciate your kind words.

    I have just read through my last comment and it hasn’t quite come out the way I intended. It reads almost like an accusation but that’s not how it is meant to be, at all. My written communication is not always good.

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  48. Ace, that article is extremely biased, I laughed when reading it. And it gets a lot of the facts wrong about her actual life. But it is true she wasn’t perfect, that’s for sure, and she’s not Christian as far as I know. She admits she made mistakes and was an idiot.

    She just has very good wisdom and advice, and lots of people are grateful to her for doing what she does (counsel people on air). I don’t think you’d like her, though, or what she’d say about your situation, and I don’t think you’d listen to her advice so it wouldn’t be worth it anyway.

    I’m sure a lot of people hate her, but she’s not as evil as they make her out to be, and she can be kind, it’s just a different kind of, “no-nonsense,” kindness that is maybe more cultural.

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  49. Thanks for your answer Stephanie. So it is the same lady?
    All articles are biased, I wasn’t really too concerned about the bias, more questioning whether it was the same person, because I have never heard of her. I wondered if she was someone like Jeremy Kyle or Dr Phil but it doesn’t seem like she is. She sounds like she might be a bit more like Judge Judy (who I love!).

    Just out of curiosity, what kind of advice do you think she would give about my situation – using the little of it that you know?
    To be honest, there isn’t much advice that anyone can give me that would help anyway…. I’m not about to leave my husband, even though people have tried to convince me to do so. All I can really do is keep on loving him.

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  50. Well it looks like Sharkly’s blog has become Stephanie’s forum to give her expert advice to other women. Whether they want it or not.

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  51. I used to work at a major metropolitan city hospital as an RN in the pediatric ICU. It was very exciting and challenging and fulfilling to quite literally save the lives of children-and to sometimes watch them leave the hospital with grateful parents was priceless. I only worked 3 days per week so it was always easy to maintain a healthy lifestyle throughout that time.

    Since marriage, I’ve given up my profession. I got certified in cycle instruction so I get a small paycheck as an instructor to spend on keeping up my appearance to my husband’s taste. Cleaning, decorating, and meal prepping/home cooked meals only take a few hours each week. I don’t know why women complain about this as it truly doesn’t take long.

    This has been a major life adjustment from a fast paced environment where children were critically ill and injured to a housewife. My responsibilities have decreased dramatically. It seems as if other commenters are unnecessarily dissecting a simple comment of boredom to the point of the assumption about sex with my husband. I never once stated anything about the act of sex itself, and in previous comments I have stated I have never refused my husband. I don’t believe it’s my husband’s job to keep me entertained, and I still have no clue why or how the monotony of daily home duties has anything to do with him or how it reflects on him. As for the silly yoga pants comment, it’s humorous to me because 1. Christians aren’t supposed to wear yoga pants, and 2. Why in the world does he wants my sculpted assets covered?! He’s currently in South America training athletes. I’m currently waiting for protein breakfast muffins to bake in the oven. I’m giving myself grace and patience to find ways to be fulfilled and joyfully content through prayer.

    Sharkly, reading more and more about your wife, your family, and what you’ve experienced is devastating. I’ve watched my brother experience a marriage similar to what you describe. That’s how I found your blog-from a place of wanting to understand what men experience when married to an ungodly, cheating, feminist woman. You are continually in my prayers.

    I’ll quietly (not resignfully) read from the sidelines without further comment. This is your blog and I do appreciate your previous feedback. Thank you.

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  52. Casey – i remember a season when i was younger, before kids, where life was similar. i’d never done anything quite as remarkable as being a pediatric icu nurse – what an amazing gift you have! but i was a stay-at-home-wife, no kids, and life was . . . boring. i spent a lot of time in prayer and bible study. i even remember struggling with this with God asking why life was so boring when i was ready and willing to ‘run the race’ of life for Him 🙂

    ahhh … the calm before the seasons would change and the storms that would come and life would get exciting and invigorating and hard and challenging and full and good and hard and beautiful and . . . 🙂

    idk why God does things, why He allows other things . . . the whole manosphere is developed around what and why and how can i fix it.

    but . . . God.

    God … who redeems … who knows … who cares … who purposes … who sees … who hears … and who has it all under control. not even a hair on our heads or single breath or a single beat of our heart is unknown or un-cared-about by Him.

    i love how you wrote that you struggle in prayer over these things. it is a struggle, isn’t it. reminds me of Jacob wrestling with God.

    may God give you peace and wisdom in the midst of your struggle . . . and fortify you and prepare you for all that life will be in the days to come.

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  53. Casey, why can’t you travel with him sometimes? That might actually be fun, and less hard sexually as I’m sure it’s hard to go for months or weeks at a time for both him and you, with no sex. I think that would feel like living as a married single person and very lonely and depressing.

    I thought you said your routine was boring, and yes, including sex in it sounds like your sex life is part of the whole boring thing. Just another perspective, and of course I love Ame’s better, but that’s what it sounded it like.

    We’ve been married 12 years, I’ve honestly never gone through a long period where I felt like my existence didn’t matter due to boredom, but I’m high energy and always kind of just doing something whether it’s creative or adventurous… I was this way when single so it may just be a very different personality from you where I don’t really get bored. Those quiet moments, even when we didn’t have kids, were really nice and appreciated.

    And I did have an exciting job in the latest biotech research getting to deal with deadly viruses, it was so much fun. But leaving was made easier because we had a child that needed me… and I realized almost instantly how much more gratifying it was to be home with him getting to raise him. I’m sure if we didn’t have kids it would have been a lot harder. Did your husband want you to stop working for some reason? Are y’all going to have kids if you’re able?

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  54. “Cleaning, decorating, and meal prepping/home cooked meals only take a few hours each week. I don’t know why women complain about this as it truly doesn’t take long.”

    LOL Well what if a woman came here venting that her frustrations were with those exact same chores you think they’re easy? You have it easier I guess getting them done so fast, but maybe not everyone feels like you do, as you’ve proven about your problem with boredom (that I just flat out don’t understand either :D)!

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  55. Stephanie – i love you, but i just cannot agree with you here.

    (that I just flat out don’t understand either :D)!

    it is hard when we don’t understand things . . . people have not understood what it’s like to raise a sped kid … or what it’s like to grow up with a crazy, abusive mother. i used to try to get them to understand these and other things … i thought if i could just articulate it properly, they would understand. i finally learned that they will never understand, and that that’s okay. what i then longed for was for people to just accept that they don’t understand, and let that be enough.

    i do not believe Casey was being disrespectful of her Husband in any form, and i do not believe she needs to explain any further.

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  56. lol Sharkley!

    i grew up most of my life in florida and have been in texas for … well, since i graduated from high school! i cannot imagine having even one convo without the word ‘y’all!’

    how do yankees get by without it?! they are definitely handicapped, for sure 🙂 🙂 🙂

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  57. for some reason i thought you were in the north … like pennsylvania … or michigan … but i’m guessing you’re south of the mason-dixon line?

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  58. Ame, I thought I remembered you were from the South, and I figured calling you a Yankee would trigger a response. LOL
    I’m currently living south of Interstate 70.

    But I went to a University in Texas and they messed my speech up royally. It has never been the same since. Y’all also got me eating grits. The recipe is pretty simple. Even a woman can fix ’em! 😉
    In fact, I’m fixin’ to fix me some right now.

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  59. But I went to a University in Texas and they messed my speech up royally. It has never been the same since.

    well … you know what they say … Train up a … uhhh … a college student, yeah, a college student … in The Great State of Texas! … and he shall be even greater than he would have been otherwise! lol!

    “fixin to” … can’t imagine having to speak without “fixin to” 🙂 🙂 🙂

    my parents are from the northeast, and i didn’t move to florida till i was 7, so that gave me a mixed accent. people who are very keen on accents have had a difficult time placing where i’m from, but it took me many years till i was able to imitate a texas accent. got it down now, though … should after thirty some odd years living here 🙂

    i came out here to go to college, too … married a texan, and never left. i really do love it here. i miss the beach, but i have no desire to live in the culture the beach creates.

    i like grits okay if they have lots of butter and cheese 🙂 … but since i can’t eat corn or cheese anymore, grits are out 🙂

    btw – what drove you to want to go to college in texas? just curious. i was raised to go far away to college (my mom couldn’t wait to get rid of me), and a few people i knew had come out here to my college, so i thought that was as good a place as any. i had never been to texas before in my life until i came out a week before my freshman year. boy howdy! was THAT a culture shock from the beach in florida!

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  60. What drove you to want to go to college in Texas?
    Well apparently I’m fond of making bad decisions! So instead of just staying at home and going to Stanford, or going to Cal-Poly, I decided I’d go see if the Coonasses and good ol’ boys couldn’t learn me somethin’ in a cypress swamp. Turns out it was in a “piney woods”, which is college catalogue language for a poor crime ridden ghetto on the dark side of town. The map in the college catalogue showed the campus surrounded by pine trees, but when I asked where the pine trees shown surrounding the campus were, they claimed it was just artistic license. So then I said, but the catalogue actually says the campus is located in a “piney woods”. And they replied, well, we’re in the “piney woods region of Texas”. Doh! I guess you learn a lot fast going to college down there.

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  61. whoa … that’s a terrible experience. i guess you stayed awhile b/c you figured out the accent 🙂

    east texas is a different place. the man i’m married to now spent half his growing up years in east texas – where his adopted dad is from. them folks are just different. you’re either one of them, or you’re not. i’m in the latter 🙂

    did you meet your wife in texas?

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  62. Ame says: You’re either one of them, or you’re not. i’m in the latter

    BlendingAme is not blending in so well. She might oughta try blending in a little mo’ better. 🙂 LOL

    No, my wife was the one from Pennsylvania, and she was trolling for men on the internet, and I found her during my first ever free trial, due to a flaw in my search parameters. I thought I might possibly date someone as short as 5′ 6″, so I also selected the 5’4″-5’6″ category. It turns out she is only 5’4″, and that was by rounding up from 5′ 3.75″ Now my sons are not likely going to ever be as tall as myself. Doh! And I’m growing shorter.

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  63. LOL!

    i forgot that i changed the tag line on my blog … i started BlendingAme when i remarried and blended a family, hence the name 🙂 … my first blog, which i had to delete when my first husband sued for custody, was AMExpression. that one’s long gone. i wish i could find it in the archives somewhere, but when blogger deleted it, it evaporated. lol!

    however … you are absolutely correct that i do not blend in well 🙂 … i tend not to be a ‘groupie’ type of person. another guy that used to blog out here once called me an ‘outlier,’ and i think that is pretty accurate.

    – – –

    interesting that you wanted a tall wife to ensure tall sons … you’re the first man i’ve heard say that.

    i’m so sorry for all she’s done and continues to do. i’ve taught my girls, and they probably deliriously quote me in their sleep 😉 … “I don’t care who starts it, I care who ends it. End it now.”

    we often don’t know when to stop … and we (especially women) don’t know how to regulate ourselves to stop. just … stop. when parents and culture allow girls and women free reign without any boundaries, we don’t learn when to simply stop, be quiet, end it. i had to learn this the hard way and even now still have to backtrack. just shut my mouth. just stop pushing the issue. just back off. just … stop. i didn’t want my girls to learn the hard way like i have (and sometimes still do … eeek!), so i’ve taught them to stop.

    what intrigues me in things like this is that my daughters trust me so fully that when i tell them to stop, they immediately stop. i’m always dumbfounded by that even though it’s what i’ve taught them. they can even be mid-sentence, and if i say, stop, they stop. it’s one of the hard-line-rules i’ve made since they were itty bitty.

    the other interesting thing about this with my daughters is that they will end it when i tell them to out of respect for me knowing i have their best interest at heart. they stopped with their dad out of fear that he would hurt them (b/c he did).

    anyway … i’m probably waaay past ‘stop,’ so i’ll just stop 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  64. interesting that you wanted a tall wife to ensure tall sons … you’re the first man i’ve heard say that.

    Most people are prejudiced against short people, short men especially, get discriminated against. Short man syndrome is a real thing. Short men naturally get less respect, and many of them resort to the syndromic behaviors to try to get more. Many sports are easier for bigger people. Life just isn’t fair. Just like you wouldn’t want your kids to be stupid, ugly, or fat, why would you want them to be short? I have a good friend who is quite short, and he married an even shorter wife, and they have tiny hobbit children. I feel bad for the kids, but I don’t want to say anything. God judges us not on our outward appearance but by our heart, but everybody else is going to discriminate based upon physical attributes too. Sorry to all you short folks if that is too honest. Perhaps you’ll live longer because you’re smaller.

    Also it was difficult to hug and kiss my wife, she said it hurt her neck. It always worked best to hug and kiss her on steps, with her up one step.(or three steps for motorboating)

    Liked by 1 person

  65. Life just isn’t fair.

    5’4″ here … but am not offended at all. my brother is 6’3″ 🙂

    i do hear pregnancy is easier for tall women b/c there’s more room for the baby to stretch out 🙂

    as i’ve always told my girls … life isn’t fair, just, or equal, so get over it. when they were little and would complain that something wasn’t fair, i’d tell them, “Life isn’t fair, just or equal. Add it to the list.” so then they’d try to bypass that and would say, “It’s not fair! And I DON’T want to add it to the list!” LOL!

    Liked by 1 person

  66. I’m tall (5 foot 8 I think – 177cm) and my husband is 6 foot 1. My poor 16 year old son is only 5 foot 6. Granted, he may grow a bit more, but he’s pretty worried. His sister (younger by 20 months) is taller than him.

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  67. I don’t like much Rap or Hip-Hop music, it is mostly a horrible influence, but I do enjoy the fact that they generally refer to women as bitches or whores. Given the totally reprobate nature of the women of our generation, that’s a lyrical cliché that will never get old! That part is music to my ears. Suck it, Feminism! LOL My brother from another mother has a couple of good words for y’all.

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