A commenter, “thedeti”, left a great comment at Σ Frame describing the Feminist life script for women. Responding to the following question: One question I have at this point is, why are a woman’s solipsistic dreams so much more important than submitting to a fantastic man who loves her? Not even sexual bonding is enough to get her to tune into her God ordained purpose as a woman? WTH??? And no matter how good her life might be, fantasy land will always be “better”.
Elspeth is correct that it is the parents’ fault. It’s also the ambient feminism that everyone swims in. Modern Western culture IS feminism. Everyone and everything is feminist. Even Christian women are feminists who are against abortion.
All women, and I mean ALL women, born after about 1960 are marinated in feminism and are feminists. All women in the US over the age of 25 are feminists, and I don’t care what anyone says to the contrary because it’s not true. EVERY man who has gotten married in the last 40 years married a feminist.
The last reason is the overarching dominant cultural narrative and “life script” that Novaseeker has explicated so well and better than I can. The narrative is basically this:
“Daughter, you can’t ever depend on a man and you can’t ever trust a man. Think about the D’s: Divorce, death, disability. What if he leaves you, cheats on you, dies on you, or becomes a cripple? You need a career so you can stand on your own two feet if you have to. You need college. You need job training. You need to earn your own money. You need to compete on equal footing with men. You are equal to men in every way, you can do anything a man can do. You don’t have to take any crap from a man and you sure as hell don’t have to “submit” to him. Any man you marry will be a completely 50/50 equal partner with you and you MUST insist on that.”
“In the meantime before you get married, it’s not really OK to have sex, but you’re going to anyway, so just make sure that if you do, you do it with men you love or at least like a lot. Or, if you’re a non-Christian, you can have all the sex you want with as many different men as you want and there will still be hot, attractive, resources-rich men waiting for you when you’re done with that.”
The ideal “life script” is:
Education, bachelor’s degree or extensive job training, move to a population center, get job, live alone or with roommates who are doing the same thing you’re doing. Advance in career, get competent or even proficient. Travel to fun and exotic tropical destinations. Have fun. Make some frivolous purchases like $800 Louis Vuitton handbags. Keep working. Probably get master’s degree. Change job if necessary. All your friends and every woman you know around your age is doing this.
During all of the above, you are dating both for fun and in the hopes of meeting a marriageable man. You are having sex with most of those men. Some are false starts. Some are short term, no more than 3-6 months. Some are long term. Again: All your friends and every woman you know around your age is doing this.
The above 2 paragraphs take her out to at least age 25, and many times to the late 20s. (It is alleged by some that many, most, women meet the man they will marry by age 23, and they then marry in their late 20s because the reported average age from relationship start to marriage is 4.9 years. This doesn’t take into account though that female average age at first marriage is 28 and creeping upwards.)
Phase 2: Meet man who you will marry. Get married in equal partnership marriage. Have one child, at most two. Options to stay home, work part time/flex time, or continue full time. Your husband also works and does significant chores around the house and takes the stress off you, as he’s expected to because you are his equal in every significant way. It’s not your job to do most of the housework and child rearing- you’re to do only half of it, and he’s to do the other half (that you decide he needs to do).
So that’s why a woman’s solipsistic dreams are more important than submitting to a fantastic man who loves her:
1) Her “dreams” (or, her life survival) predominate over marriage and everything else until she’s at least in her early 20s. During the time when she’s most attractive and most able to secure “a fantastic man who loves her”, she is spending that time getting educated and job trained so she can do what mom and dad and everyone else told her – Don’t ever be in a position where you have to depend on a man. Instead of looking for a man to take care of survival, she’s doing it herself and not nearly as well as a man can.
2) She’s entitled to “have fun” before she gets married. Travel, make and spend money. Date (i.e. have sex with) attractive men and maybe one will commit. Dating = sex. Everyone is doing this. Your parents, church and pastors usually know this but look the other way.
3) The way you find a husband is you find attractive men, have sex with them within 3 dates, and then find out if there’s enough compatibility there to keep dating. Then hopefully you get exclusive. Then hopefully, when everything is right, you get married. But EVERYTHING must be in place: His career, her career, sufficient money, a decent place to live, access to transportation and culture. She must also be satisfied she has acquired enough life experience that she is satisfying her YOLO needs and FOMO fears, and she must do this before she agrees to marriage.
4) Submission is almost completely omitted from the narrative. Women are not to submit to men. A woman dating a man is not to take the submissive position. A wife is not to submit to her husband, or if she does, she submits only when she wants to and only when she approves of the husband’s conduct. She has everyone’s permission and approval to approach men and marriage this way – even from her church and her pastors, and certainly from her mother, and almost always from her father (if she has one) Absolutely no one will tell her she is to submit to her husband “in all things, as unto the Lord” – not even her church, not even her pastors. Submission to a man equals dependence on him, and remember – she cannot be in a position where she has to depend on a man.
So how can this paradigm be fixed?
previously I gave some advice about keeping an unmarried woman in her father’s house. But, I really would like your help in coming up with a way to counter this godless Feminist life script. Some of the underlying assumptions made by those who accept this life script seem to be that:
- An olden day patriarchal lifestyle and marriage is unacceptable for their daughter.
- If I live a strict Bible-directed life, I will miss out on so much I would like to do.
- As long as I’m not the worst girl at church (e.g. the pastor’s daughter) I’m still going to heaven.
- I can be redeemed and a fornicator.
- God must judge me relative to the society all around me.
- Egalitarian/Complementarian marriages work better and are happier than Patriarchal marriages.
- My husband doesn’t deserve my best years, or for my life to focus on him.
- I can chase my Feminist dreams before and after marriage, and if I can, I’ll help my husband too.
- As a woman my goals and dreams are just as important as any man’s.
- My husband should do half of the domestic work, because; “Baby, I’m worth it!”
Should we do something about it?
If we only keep the brainwashed young men and women of this Feminist generation in our thoughts and prayers, things will only grow worse as the rabid Feminists charge unopposed against the last few remnants of traditional Christian patriarchy that are still left in our lives. At this moment what I can see is that we need to change our mindset and the frame of reference of those around us. Feminism and Hollywood have programmed and brainwashed us to believe that women are equal to men, if not morally superior. So consequently a wife’s priorities become equal to her husband’s, if not superior.
Many of the underlying assumptions that the Feminist life script is based upon, are rooted in the idea that husbands aren’t any more important than their wives. Churchians generally believe that now, and that male headship makes little sense, but is commanded only by reason of divine fiat. So, they try to humor God by calling the man the head, while carrying on like he is only the co-head, or preferably only the vice president of their daughter’s future extension of their own family. They don’t give their daughters away to belong to their husband’s clan anymore, on the contrary they feel that the husbands are being nabbed for their daughter’s matriarchal dominion.
Basically people lack the faith that God’s original ways are best, that their daughters should prepare for a faith-filled life depending on God and their husband. They would gladly risk their daughter fornicating and being indoctrinated and radicalized into complete worldliness just to give her a chance to get a degree at a well known school of this world. They make a deal with the devil whereby they clearly sell out their future son in law’s best interests to try to assure that their daughter tastes fleeting pleasures apart from him while securing her financial insurance against ever becoming fully bound to his circumstances or dependent on him. They are literally trading off future marital unity interdependence and intimacy for faithless independence and separation preparedness. We as individuals and as a society need to repent of this foolish faithlessness!
Exit Question: How do we best get people to deprioritize women and their fruitless independence and instead cherish men, marriage, and strong patriarchal families?